All There Is

3.Hannah

Time After Time // Cyndi Lauper

The stands are packed with spectators. I'm squeezed in between my sister and Jeff's sister. Our parents are in the row just in front of us. Graduation day has arrived, and I feel like I'm the one getting a fresh start, not just the graduates on the field.

Today I'm going to see Matt for the first time in two months.

I scan the students seated on the football field in alphabetical rows. His last name is McKinley, so my eyes scour the middle rows. I pause on one guy whose head is bowed with eyes downcast on something in his right hand. His left-hand rubs repeatedly over his thigh in a nervous manner. I squint to try to get a better look. Something in me knows its him. I feel the connection, the pull that I've been feeling through our texts.

The speeches drone on and on, an endless list of well wishes and encouraging clichés. The guy's head never pops up so I can't be positive its him, except for the fact that I just know. I hear names being called and realize it's almost Matt's turn. I could wait to see if this guy responds when Matt's name is called but I have a better idea.

Me: Hey, ur up dude. Better keep that serious look on ur face.

I hit send and wait for it to go through. Matt and I planned to see each other at Jeff's party later so the fact that I'm at the graduation is a surprise. I knew I was planning to come, but I didn't tell Matt. I wasn't sure if I would be ready to surprise him on such an important day.

I know the second that my text is delivered because the guy's head jolts up and his eyes start scanning the crowd. It is him. And the fact that I just knew it from body language alone even without seeing him since that morning after the Lot says something loud and clear.

We've made a connection.

Matt: Hey, didn't think you'd be here.

I think it was the nervous demeanor that convinced me to tell him I was here. Matt has opened up to me so much in our texts, telling me enough about his life at home for me to understand that it's not great. It's pretty difficult for him, actually, and I know today will be a rough one for him to get through. It's one of the reasons he's going to Jeff's party and not having one of his own. He can't stand being around his dad.

Matt is standing as his name is called.

"Matthew McKinley."

A raucous roar from the student body goes up at his name, including some cat calls that don't impress me. Matt has been honest about his track record with girls. But he's also been upfront with me that he's done acting like a jackass. I send a quick reply intended for him to read as he sits back down. I watch as he walks the pathway to accept his diploma and pose for a picture with the principal. Once he gets back to his seat, I notice he doesn't hesitate to pull his phone back out, which makes me smile.

Me: I wouldn't have missed it

I sense his smile even though I can't see it from this distance. I also watch as he runs his hand on his thigh once again before responding to me.

Matt: Yeah, I know Jeff is probably happy to have you all here.

I shake my head. I don't want him left with that impression for long.

Me: Maybe. But I didn't come to see Jeff.

I smile as both of Matt's hands grip his phone. He starts rocking just slightly in his seat. Not enough to be noticeable, but I can tell.

Matt: oh yeah?

Matt: You just like sitting in the heat watching people parade in blue and yellow gowns?