All There Is

11.Hannah

I think I'm Paranoid // Garbage

I wake up disoriented. I hate naps because I'm always confused when I wake up, not remembering what day or time it is. But I've napped more since Matt and I separated than ever before. Breaking up has messed me up and I can't seem to get it together.

"What time is it?" I ask Morgan as she returns to our dorm from her workout. I haven't had enough energy to keep up on my workouts. That needs to change.

"Its four. You've been asleep this entire time? I left at two. How will you sleep tonight?"

"No problems there. All I want to do is sleep lately." Kyra says depression will do that to a person. I wish that was all it did. My appetite sucks, too. Still.

I push the blankets back and get out of bed. I don't feel right. It's starting to get on my nerves. I just want to get back to normal, move passed the heartbreak. I grab my water bottle and take a drink. My mouth is dry. But as soon as the water hits my throat, I gag.

"Shit." I cover my mouth and run to the bathroom. Having a weak stomach while living in a dorm sucks. I'm always worried I won't make it and have a mess to clean up. Embarrassing and gross.

When I get back to the dorm, Morgan gives me a look from her spot at the desk.

"What?"

"I can't believe you're still sick over Matt. You have the weakest stomach of anyone I've ever met." Morgan shakes her head and returns to her textbook. "What the hell are you going to do when you get pregnant. That's gonna be hell."

I freeze.

My silence must grab Morgan's attention because she turns her head back to look at me.

"Oh my gosh, you're white as a ghost. What the hell, Hannah?" She hops up from her chair and rushes over to me.

"It can't be." I look at my roommate with wide eyes. This must be what shock feels like.

"What?"

"I think I'm pregnant." Just saying the words makes my stomach lurch so I cover my mouth again. Morgan grabs the trash can and thrusts it at me.

"Why do you think that?"

"I'm constantly tired. I've been sick so much, no appetite. And a few weeks ago, I was super dizzy. My cycle is all off." Which I thought had something to do with my emotional state. Matt and I have been apart for just over a month. But the last time we were together was six weeks ago, the night he came home. The last time he was the Matt I know. "We didn't use protection but I'm on the pill."

Morgan rubs my back as I start to cry. "Well, it's not confirmed yet. Let's at least get a test before you freak out."

I nod while feeling my entire world start to crumble. I can't go to the extreme yet. I've always been sensitive to things, easily sick or nauseous.

"Oh my god. The antibiotics."

"Which ones?"

I sit on the bed and lean over the trash can. "I was on antibiotics a couple of months ago. They mess with the pill. I totally forgot. The pharmacist said something when I got my prescription because she saw I was on the pill. But that night..." I wasn't thinking about any of that. I just needed to be there for Matt.

"Like I said, don't borrow trouble. Let's run to the drug store and grab a test. Then you can figure out what to do next."

I put shoes on and follow Morgan to her car. We go through the motions of choosing a couple of different tests and return to the dorms to find out my fate.