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The Survey Corps have returned from their mission to Marley, and Levi designates you as guard to a recently apprehended Eren Jaeger. Carrying out your duty may pose difficult when your prisoner is an old friend you've secret...
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The two of you stood in deafening silence, taking in each other's matured appearances, losing yourselves in a reawakened longing... that neither of you had realized was mutual.
"I'm your prison guard for the week. I brought dinner," you shattered the frozen air, placing the tray of food in its cell slot.
Eren just stared at you.
"Ok fine don't eat; it's not my problem." You walked away and sat on the bench opposite his cell.
"I see you hate me too," he spoke. "I'm not surprised; it seems like everyone does now. Even Mikasa and Armin can't look me in the eye."
Your heart ached at his words. "Eren, what you did was rash and unforgivable."
Eren slumped back onto his cell bed. When he saw you, he felt like some of his hope came back. Hope he never knew he had left. But he was fucking stupid; he had lost everyone, even you.
"However, no," your voice was confident, "I do not hate you, Eren." You could never hate him.
Why? Why didn't you hate him? Eren slowly lifted his eyes to meet yours.
You looked into those eyes you knew you always loved, those eyes that would never know you loved them.
"Eren you messed the fuck up. You did fucking shit. And I want to hate you like everyone else, but I think something is wrong with me. I just can't." You didn't break eye contact. "But that doesn't mean I'm okay with what you did. I am pissed as fuck actually."
You were battling with yourself, with this emerging cognitive dissonance. The shock had passed and the reality was finally sinking in. Eren's actions were careless, manipulative, inconsiderate, and resulted in the death of some of your closest comrades. You wanted to fucking loathe him, like any normal person would, like any good, righteous person would.
But you couldn't break the part of you that wanted him, longed for him, needed him. You were utterly infatuated with this boy- well now this man- for years, stifling your true feelings and letting them fester. You didn't want to face the fact that you were too fucking selfish to hate him, because you wanted him, and there was no fucking war crime he could commit that would make you want to change your emotions. Did this make you a bad person?
And now it all just bubbled up as rage towards him, the very cause of it. Eren noticed this, continuing to stare at your turmoiled self, slightly perplexed at what could be going on beneath that fiery exterior.
"Why can't you hate me, Y/n? Just hate me, please. It would be easier for you," he was the one to break the silence this time.
He didn't want either of you dealing with conflicted feelings. He was pushing you away. If you could care about him, you could stop- and he would lose someone again.
"Eren shut the fuck up and try not to starve, ok." You didn't want to face him, your emotions for him, or even yourself. You forcefully sat onto the bench opposite the cell and pulled out a book on defensive strategies, busying yourself in its pages.
Eren huffed and began eating as you read. Then he stopped.
"Some things really never change... you and Armin always had your noses buried in those books of yours," he reminisced.
This took you a bit by surprise. He had paid attention to you? No- you were reading too much into it. You ignored the comment.
"Y/n?"
"What is it, Eren?" you replied, annoyed.
"Did you have dinner?"
"Um- no actually, but I'm fine." You were dying of hunger. You hadn't even had breakfast that day.
"You should eat. Here, have half of mine."
"Eren it's your food."
"Y/n I don't give a fuck, you didn't have dinner and you also need to eat. So I'm only going to eat half, you do with the rest as you wish."
Your eyes began to sting. You slowly rested your book beside you and walked to the cell. He smirked.
"Eren, why do you make it so difficult," you basically mumbled, "for me to fucking hate you." You fought back any potential tears. You weren't gonna show this bitch any weakness. If you let yourself begin feeling your emotions, you would never stop.
The two of you stood inches apart as he slid his semi-filled plate to you. You picked it up and started eating. He didn't move. A few minutes passed in sharp silence.
"Y/n," Eren looked down into your e/c eyes. "I need to tell you something." He leaned against the bars, reducing the space between the two of you even more.
Your heart began slamming against your chest. Suddenly, you lost your appetite as butterflies filled your stomach instead.
"And what's that?" you put on a stable front as best as you could.
"I like you. No- I love you. And I have. For a very. Long. Fucking. Time. From even our training days. I remember noticing you for the first time- being a smartass to Shadis during recruitment- I thought you were the prettiest girl I had ever seen. You were so energetic, brave, and fucking mischievous, your pranks on our comrades were gold. I loved all of y'all, but somehow I felt like it was a different kind of love I had for you. A different kind that made me always worry where you were when we were fighting titans, that needed to make sure you were safe, even though I knew you were a fucking badass who could slice more napes than even Mikasa. And when I identified that this love was, in fact, different, I hated myself for it. My goal was to kill all the titans, and I couldn't let any emotions get in the way of it. So I told myself I was crazy. That I couldn't have what I really wanted by lying to myself that I didn't want it. And seeing you again four years later just brought it all back for me. Y/n, you're even more stunning than before. I'm telling you this now because lately I've been fed up with doing what I 'should' do. Now I do what I fucking want, because this world doesn't care about me, you, or any of us. I've waited too fucking long. And I fucking want you. I always have."
