THE LOST TWINS

chapter 63

Alexa pov

Hurt , hurt , hurt was the only feeling I was feeling.
I was not someone to loose but today I lost something really big.

I lost someone who was really close to my heart. I lost my love. My Freaking first love.

I'm happy for Alesa but I'm sad for myself. I lost someone really precious to me and I just can't accept it.

Im regretting whatever I did yesterday. I behave impulsive But no one even tried to understand that just how I'm. I act and then regret. I don't think before doing something and then regret.

I want to apologize to them but I'm to ashamed to even ask for forgiveness. What I did was not acceptable at all.

I feel so numb right now and I just don't know how to feel or how to react. I'm dying inside and no one seems to notice.

I'm loosing myself right now things which used to make me happy is not making me feel happy anymore..

I went downstairs to the music room. I wanted to sing. It's my stress buster. No one I repeat no one know that I can sing.

[The lyrics of the song is written by me. I hope you like it. Please let me know about the song]

Song name : losing myself
Writer of the song : Falaknaaz (Me) 

Loosing myself

I don't know why I feel so broken?
I don't know why I feel so alone?

I have my people around me
But still, everything seems fading

I want this to stop please
But I can't help it.

I have people around me
But I have no one for me

I miss the old me
The one who used to be happy..

There's nothing wrong going right now in my life
But nothing seems right
I don't know if Its my anxiety
But I want this to stop please.

I know I'm not alone
I have people around me
But they don't seem to notice
I am loosing myself slowly.

The things which used to make me feel happy.. It doesn't make me feel anything now.

I wish someone could understand it... But again no one is me...

I can't make it stop
But I can't hold anymore.
I'm losing myself slowly
As days passing by lately

I don't know
Until, how long. I can hold on

I can't sleep at nights
The overthinking is not fine
But I can't help it
I want everything to stop please

These days people scare me
I can't look them into eyes

These days I can't eat
Because I don't feel at ease

I know I'm not alone
I have people around me
But they don't seem to notice
I am loosing myself slowly.

They say ,they love me
But then , why can't I see it?
Why can't I feel it?
Why am I feeling all this???

Why am I loosing my mind?
Why am I not enjoying myself?
Where the heck my mind has been lately?
Why can't I concentrate?? 

I feel so stupid
For feeling all this things
But I can't help it
Someone help me stop it.

I know I'm beautiful
But, I know I'm ugly too
I'm slowly loosing all the self love which I manged to gathered...

I wish I could share it
But it's there someone willing to listen it? And not judge me?
I don't want advice... I just want someone to listen it

I'm  scared to be alone
But to scared to ask for companion

Im Trying my level best to stop it.. But I just don't how to do it...

I feel like I'm slipping into depression and there's no one out to see it..

I feel so alone and broken
I have never felt this way before.

Why is it all happening?
Is it my fault?
Atleast give me a reason, for what am I blaming myself for?

I know I'm not alone
I have people around me
But they don't seem to notice
I am loosing myself slowly.

I just need a long tight hug.
To cry my eyes out..
But when I look around
I have no one to rely on

I have stopped talking lately and no one seems to notice that I have been quite lately...

I am keeping all this inside
I don't know until how long I explode..

I wish I could stop this
But I can't help it
Someone please help me out of it..
I'm losing myself slowly...

I don't want to loose myself
I want to achieve my goals
But I don't know 'how I'm gonna do that' because I can't be alone and I'm to scared to ask for a companion

I'm loosing myself
And no one seems to notice.

I finished singing the song with tears in my eyes. I cried my heart out once again. Then I wiped my own tears and went to the dinning room for dinner.

All of my siblings were there. I quietly sat the table and digged into my food. I didn't even gave them a glance but I knew they were all looking at me. They were worried for me. They were sad for me. They care for me. But it doesn't matter to me right now. I'm selfish and I can only see my pain right now.

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I know the song is not that great... But did you like it?