Imaginary Highways - Alex Turner fan fiction

Chapter 18 The Corridor Support

I've had enough. It's like he sensed that I was missing him and came. He looked high as fuck.

"What do you mean what am I doing here? I'm here to get you back" he said and tried to cup my cheek but I took a step back. I didn't want him to touch me. Not again.

"Are you still scared of me?" he said making a sad face. How could he go from so confident to so insecure in seconds. I just looked at him confusingly trying to figure out what is going on inside that head. 

"Stop staring at me like that" he said putting his face into his hands.
"What do you want me to do than?" I asked scared of what he may come up with.

"Kiss me" his emerald eyes were in need. I knew they were craving me but I couldn't do that.

"You know I can't do that Jason. You know that damn fucking well" I couldn't look at him anymore. I was having a hard time saying no to him. I was repeating to myself that I needed to be strong.

"I have an idea. I know you still love me" I looked at him again "and I know what I've done. I think we can do a test, If I kiss you and you feel disgusted by me, then I will never see you again. But if you don't" he threw his arms in the air "then you don't and I will at least have a good fucking last kiss" what?

"What last kiss? What are you talking abo-" before I could finish, he pressed his warm lips onto mine. He started pulling me close and touching my waist. I tried to push him back but he just didn't want to pull away. The kiss hurt me really bad as it brought up so many unhappy but also joyful memories that were once happy and weren't anymore. It felt wrong and angsty.

My heart started pounding again. It was racing with those memories but also with a thought of Jason getting hurt. I was so desperately trying to figure out how I felt about it. I most definitely felt confused at that moment.

I felt salty tears on my tongue but this time, they weren't mine. He pulled away so quickly he lost his balance and nearly fell backwards. I tried to catch him and he grabbed my forearms firmly again.

"What did you mean your last kiss? What did you mean by that? Do you want to kill yourself?" I asked him looking him dead in the eye. I was still holding the entirety of his weight which was not easy at all.

"I-, I would be lying if I said I didn't think about it" he was crying so esthetically.

"Jason, I know the times are hard for you but I am not the person you should search for anymore. I can phone some of the therapists I know and recommend you but I am not your girlfriend anymore" I wanted to say this. If I was strong, I would have said it, but I wasn't. Not now. Not tonight.

I just hugged him instead. I brought him into my apartment. He wept while hugging me all night. I felt sick. Not because of him, well maybe of him too, but mostly because of myself. I felt disappointed I didn't say what I wanted to.

When he stopped crying I gave him some aspirin ho calm his head. The wounds on his forearms got even worse but I didn't say a single word. I knew I'd feel guilty about not asking but I just lacked energy.

He left just before 2 am. He said he wanted to be alone. I was begging him not do anything to himself, I said that he should find a therapist and that I could help him if he wanted to but I doubt he listened to me. He just left with red eyes and bruised soul. I couldn't fall asleep from worries about him.

~

Today was Thursday. Tomorrow we had the bar party for my birthday planned. My birthday was actually a day after that, but we decided to make it on Friday.

Jason didn't call since his last encounter. Even though I hate to admit it I was worried about him and what will happen. I am a human too, I can't just shake this off. Tonight I was too tired to do anything so I just laid on the floor and played some of the vinyls that I neglected over the years and cleaned them.