Game For Two

Why (Bella)

Its been 150 days, 9 hours and 37 minutes of hell. 5 months since my life changed. Ive picked my phone 101 times just wanting to hear his voice. I miss everything about him, but he walked away and never turned back. He always swear he loved me forever and one day, the biggest day of my life, the day I thought all my dreams were coming true, he just didnt love me anymore. I cant eat, I cant sleep I cant function because Joey has always been my rock, my cheerleader, my biggest supporter and without him Im just lost. Ma went back home, and I took the kids and went back to my dad's I could, I wouldnt stay in the apartment. Dirty and Rae had moved in with me, they say to help with the kids lets be real its to watch me. Most days I cant even bring myself to get out of bed. I only leave the house to go to the doctor's for the baby. Ahh the baby Joey was so excited when I got pregnant, he wanted her more than anything but here we are Im nine months pregnant and due anyday and I havent seen or heard from Joey in 5 months.

It was 1 in the morning everyone was asleep but me, but lets be real I dont sleep anymore, I walked over to my desk and pulled out a small white envelope it sitting there scratched and tinged with blood stains. I just stood with it in my hand's staring at it forever. I havent looked at it since I first read it. The tears flooded my eyes before I even pulled out the contents. My hands shook and I wiped the tears with the back of my hand before pulling it out reading it. I must have read it ten times looking for any clues on why he really ran away. I know over the years I had left and said it was protect him but that was my own head trips. Maybe this is his way of paying me back for this. I know he said he slept with Liz, He could have came to me, told me we always found our way and fixed everything. The only thing I can figure is it was his way of leaving me for her. The thought of him and her together turned my stomach. I dropped the letter and envelope to the bed rushing to the bathroom just in time to dump the contents of my stomach. When I finally finished, my stomach gave it up, I stood wobbly and walked back to my room. I stopped at my closet I reached in to the back and pulled it out, its been there for months. I pulled it to my face, still smells like him, its the sweatshirt, the one he left me when he left for school so many years ago. Back then I thought that was the hardest thing Id ever have to endure is Joey gone at school for months at a time. If I knew then what I know now I would have ran and kept running. Who am I kidding no I wouldnt, he has been my everything since I w as eight, to be honest he always will be I'll never love anyone near as much as I loved Joey. Rae asked me earlier if I still love Joey, I couldnt lie I do, I always will I dont think I ever will stop loving him despite what had happened.

 The tear dropped and my hand shot to my stomach, baby was kicking. It kills me she will never get to know her father, never get to know what a amazing father he was. How he go to the ends of the earth for them and me...nothing because of a decision took him away from all of us. Its not fair to her, to the kids...fuck it isnt fair to me. I thought I knew him, knew him better than anyone else, I was horribly wrong. I wiped the tears that continued to fall and reached for the stereo remote, turning on the one song that causes so many amazing memories and in the same instance twists the knife deeper in my chest. 

The next two weeks passed and here I was at my weekly ultrasound, I was officially 10 days overdue and it felt like no end in sight. As i sit in the office waiting impatiently on Dr Russo all I wanted to do is get this done and go home. I just caant stand everywhere I go everyone asking about Joey. It was about 5 minutes later Dr Russo walked in,

"Bella dear hows my favorite patient?"

"Huge and everything hurts"

he looked over my chart for a second and looked up,

"well being ten days past your due date will do that to you, are you having any contraction or pain?"

"I have some cramping the last couple day's but they are braxton hicks ive had them with all the kids."

"Ok well let me just check you for dialation and if you arent dialated we will have you come back for another check in three days and get you scheduled for a induction."

"okay..

"okay dear slid down towards me and drop them knees, and you will feel some pressure."

He wasnt kidding about the pressure but it was over quickly, he stood up taking off his exam gloves and smiled at me.

"Well my dear looks like those Braxton Hicks did what they were supposed too, you are three centimeters dialated. Im going to have you come to the hospital tonight for a induction. Now is Mrs. Kay going to be with you in the delivery room?"

"No she will have the kids.."

"Who is going to be your support person?"

"No one Im coming alone."

I watched his face shift, he looked down writing something on a paper handing it to me.

"Okay Bella dear these are the instructions for the induction, please call up to labor and delivery at 7 and verify they have a bed ready for you. When you come in we will hook you to fetal monitor's and your IV. I will order pitocin in the morning if you havent dialated more and we will have this baby."

"Okay."

I took the papers and headed out, all I wanted to do is go home but I knew I needed to go to Kay's and tell her. It was a quick drive only taking me ten minutes and I pulled up to Kay's. I walked in,

"Ma"

"Im in the kitchen dear."

I walked in and slid on the stool across from here.

"What are you doing here dear?"

"I have my OB appointment, I just left."

"Hows grandma's girl?"

"Im three centimeter's dialated, they are going to induce me tonight."

"BELLA THATS GREAT!!!"

"Yeah..."

"Why you look so sad, this is a happy occassion."

"I just always pictured having this baby with Joey."

"I know darling I wish I could make it better for you."

"I know, listen I just stopped by to tell you, I have to call them at seven to see if there is a room ready, if it is Ill drop the kids on the way in."

"Whatever you need to do darling, Ill talk to you and see you later."

Thanks ma, love you..

"Love you too darling."

I headed out and my head fell against my hands on the steering wheel and a tear trickled down, Im really having this baby tonight and Im doing it without Joey.