Game For Two

I cant I just cant (Bella)

He's here, he cant be here. I grabbed Nikki's carseat and just ran in the house. I cant let him see me cry. As soon as the door closed I fell against it and slid down tears rolling from my eyes. It feels just like it did the day he left. He knocked and knocked calling my name and the only think I could do was lean against the door and cry as my heart broke again. All I wanted was him as much as he hurt me I can let him go. My heart wants nothing more then to pull the door open jump in his arms and kiss him. My head says I cant. It felt like forever he banged on the door calling my name. I couldnt breath all I wanted was everything that happened be a nightmare and I would wake up in our bed in the city next to him, but its not its my own personal hell I couldnt escape.

I got up and pulled the curtain back watching his car pull out of the driveway out of sight. I cant do this.

The kids were with Raeanna and Dirty for the night I grabbed the phone and texted Rae

Bella: Can you take Nikki too

Rae: Sure but whats up

Bella: Joey was just here.. I cant do this just hurry please!

Rae: On My Way 10 minutes

Nikki was asleep in her carseat, I moved her to the livingroom and walked into the kitchen. I reached for the cabinet above the stove and grabbed it. I twisted the cap and put it too my lips, this will dull the pain it always does. I poured the bottle down, I just dont want to feel anymore. I was half a bottle in the ten minutes it took Raeanna to get here and run in.

"BELLSSSS!!!!"

She ran into the kitchen and that's were I sat on the floor back against the door bottle in my hand and the tears continued to stream down my face.She didnt say a word just dropped to her knees pulling me into her holding me tight as my shoulders shook.

"Bells Im so sorry"

"I cant..I cant"

" cant what?"

"I cant do this, I need him"

"Then call him"

"No I cant he doesnt want me anymore."

"Bells he showed up here looking for you he had to have a reason, what he say?"

"I ran in before I cried"

"Call him"

"I cant, now please get Nikki, I need to be alone."

"I dont think that is a good Idea"

"Rae please."

She sighed and walked out with Nikki. I didnt want to be around anyone I just wanted to be alone. I poured more of the bottle down and got up wandering up the stairs into my bedroom. Everywhere I turn Joe is everywhere. I could never bare to get rid of anything. Everything is still where he left it from his Celtics bomber jacket on the back of the desk chair to all his stuff in the bathroom. I sat on the bed and grabbed the framed picture sitting next to bed. Its Joey and I the night of my senior ball. He drove over night and missed his finals to take me. It was one of the most magical nights of my life. He swore that night it was me and him and he would never go anywhere. It was ten years but he broke that promise, he just didnt love me anymore. I grabbed the remote off the table turning on our song and I laid back still clutching the picture of us. 

I must have passed out because I woke in the morning head slamming and nausous still clutching that picture. I spent the next 20 minutes throwing up in the bathroom. When I came down I grabbed my phone off the table. 5 voicemails 2 facetimes and 10 texts, what the hell, I opened the notification, they all were from Joe.