Hues of an Abstract Mind (Arte del Amor #4)

Chapter 1

The amount of paperwork sitting and waiting for me to finish them is overwhelming. Maybe this is what I get for ignoring them for a week now. I haven't done any of my worksheets.

None, zero, nada!

Kasalanan ko ba na mas masaya ang hindi mag-aral kaysa mag-aral?

This is all so boring and repetitive.

All I literally do is wake up, eat, study, paint, sleep, and then repeat. Not gonna lie, I know it does sound good at the surface, but doing that for the rest of my life?

Nah, thank you.

Anyone who wants it can have it and I'll gladly give it to them, plus my heart condition of course, because having this 'good' life comes with a price.

For the price that I have to pay? It is totally not worth it.

"Are you done studying, Missy?" rinig kong tanong ni Mama mula sa kusina. I immediately panicked and started answering the mathematical problems first.

Nakakatamad, nakakatamad, nakakatamad.

I sighed when I got stuck in one of them. Nag-unat ako mula sa kinauupuan ko, nakakangalay kasi na nakaupo sa carpet dahil sa center table ako nagsusulat. Kailangan ko ng magpapagana sa akin na mag-aral.

Lumingon ako sa isang shelf dito sa living room. It's enclosed but the insides can be seen through its glass doors.

It is where all of Ate Sydney's medals and trophies are. Alagang-alaga ang mga iyon ni Mama at kahit gaano na sila kaluma ay kumikinang pa rin.

A lot of those medals were accumulated from all of her schooling years, and there are a good number of medals from competitions she participated in and won.

Hindi pa siya tapos mag-aral sa lagay na 'yan at patuloy pang nadadagdagan. Is she wonder woman or something?

Seriously.

I wonder how she does it. She's a woman of intellect and she doesn't even have to try to prove that! That's why she's our mother's pride.

Sa kabilang shelf ay ang litrato ko, pero walang ganoon kadaming medalya tulad ng kay Ate Sydney.

This would have been so much easier if I was just as gifted as her. It's not like my parents are expecting anything from me, but still... I want to be good enough for them to expect something, anything.

Nakipagtitigan ako sa papel ko. Parang naghihintay ako ng himala na bigla na lang sumulpot ang mga sagot dito sa mga blangkong linya.

"Ano, tititig ka rin? We might as well just kiss." galit kong sabi sa tanong na hindi ko masagot.

Nakakainis naman. Ang hirap.

Lumilipad na ang isip ko sa iba't ibang bagay na walang kinalaman sa pag-aaral na 'to.

What should I paint next? The only memory I have of the outside world was back in Germany.

That's an exaggeration, maybe. It's just... I've been basically locked up in this house since then.

I badly want to paint something, anything, perhaps a landscape, but I want an inspiration that I can see by myself. Not just through the internet. I want to experience it myself so I'll know exactly what to paint and how to paint it.

It's the feeling of painting it. The lack of experience is probably why I've been relying heavily on my own imagination. It's like a whole new dimension in my head and I want people to understand it.

But which people? No one even knows me for me.

"Missy, get that done and then get dressed." sabi ni Mommy nang dumaan siya sa harapan ko. Agad akong napatingin sa kaniya, "Aalis tayo?" excited kong tanong.