its you | hyunlix

{f i v e - explain}

hyunjin went over to felix's place, with a doplebag filled with books and notebooks. but afraid to see felix after the event of the party.

hyunjin knocked on the door three times, he heard some ruffling and muffled sounds. the door opened revealing felix with ruffled hair, pink swollen eyes. "come in." he moved out of the way for hyunjin to enter.

as hyunjin entered, changbin came out of the living room, along with chan. seems as if they were there to comfort him. but little did hyunjin know it was changbin and chan who made him cry.

"m-make yourself a-at home." felix choked out. hyunjin just nodded and went to the kitchen, felix went up to his room and tried to calm down. things may have seem going right but for felix, things just gone wrong. chan and changbin were supposed to be there for moral support, but the two just made his anxiety worse.

thoughts ran over felix's mind, not sure of how things would go. all this time, changbin just kept reminding him of his past that he tried forgetting for two years. questions unanswered, thoughts never slowing down. his mother wasnt even there for him. his father fled the country and found someone.

his grandmother was the only family he had in seoul, or at least he thinks that. minho and felix are cousins but felix still doesn't know that. he thinks minho is from a different lee family. hyunjin was getting his things ready on the dining table, waiting for felix to come down.

felix went straight to his room and to the bathroom he has. washing his face, seeing his reflection on the mirror he has. "i dont know who the fuck you are." he said to his own reflection. seeing how flushed his face is, pale skin, dark bags that were concealed by makeup.

bring back felix, felix thought to himself, i dont need you conceiving them. everyday, he looks at his reflection, not knowing who he was anymore. losing his sister was another but his mom? well, she was the only one felix had after he lost his sister, but after his mom left the cruel world. his dad wasnt even his own dad.

now, hyunjin left for two years, came back unexpectedly. chan was envious of felix for having everything he needed. but no, he's lost so much and dependant on others like changbin or hyunjin. his grandmother was dying and he didnt want to accept that.

although its his reality, he took one last look at himself. seeing all but not himself, his facial features reminded him of his father so much and a little bit of his mother.

for a while, he was thinking to conceal his dark bags under his eyes. he slightly flinched when he heard knocking, "felix?" the voice he heard belonged to hyunjin. "are we going to work?"

felix hummed, "mhm, let me just get ready. i'll meet you down stairs." he decided to put on light makeup. concealing his face, darkening his eyelids a bit, also putting natural eyeshadow in order to bring out his eyes into the most natural away.

hyunjin went back downstairs to only see changbin and chan in the dining room, sitting across from his things. "felix coming down?" chan asked not-so-sternly-yet-so-sternly. hyunjin just nodded, sitting down at his self-assigned seat at the dining table.

felix came down, looking refreshed. books and notebooks were in his hands, wanting to get things done as fast as they could. "you get the materials we need?" felix asked as he sat in front of changbin, which chan sat in front of hyunjin across the table. resulting felix sitting next to hyunjin made changbin's blood boil in anger.

"yeah, i did the prior night." hyunjin said as he began taking out colored pencils, makers and pens. "you got the white construction papers?" felix nodded, taking out his drawing notebook.

"so... you wanted to talk, lets talk and do our work." felix began drawing outlines of each main character of 'Romeo and Juliet' with his mechanical pencil, starting off with Romeo.

hyunjin looked over to felix's work and saw what he's going to draw, so hyunjin decided to draw the first important event of the play, memorized and stuck to his brain. continuing the outlining of the characters and the main event of the first act and scene.

the work was due in the next two weeks, mr. moon giving them time to decide and get to know each other. "i left the country because my parents found out i was gay, and they didnt raise a child just so he could turn out gay. i figure if i stayed, felix would lose his home and everything. we had moved to los angeles, and i didnt know anyone there until my parents introduced me to the family i had over there. my english was broken and also my phone, in which they deleted everything and changed my number.

they tried to send me to converse therapy, but they failed to change my sexuality. my parents didnt accept me being gay, until my mom figured why i began living miserably and stopped talking to them for the first whole year," hyunjin was still talking as he began drawing. changbin, chan and felix were listening. "six months later after that year, my mom finally accepted me, my dad had no other choice but to accept me for who i am.

it was hard, seeing every girl falling for the gay eboy and telling everyone i already had someone in mind, all the students in the high school i attended were trying to convince me to take them on a date because of my looks and money i had. i kept going on because of the thought of felix's smile and laugh that were caused by me, hoping that i would still be able to do the same." hyunjin used his free hand to wipe the tears that were rolling down his cheeks.

"that thought kept me going because yeji caught me many times trying to commit suicide. it felt like this body wasnt mine. everyday thinking of how felix is holding up, kept me going. i still carry the burden of me leaving the one and only light i had in my life." felix felt tears coming out of his eyes, he tried to stop them, but he couldnt hold them in longer. so, he went to hyunjin and hugged him while crying.

hyunjin was taken back by the sudden hug from felix. for a while, he froze but hugged back felix, letting the boy cry in his arms again.

changbin clenched his hands, making fists with white knuckles due to the sight in front of him. chan noticed the boy next to him boiling in anger, he moved his hand to changbin's hand, squeezing them. which signaled changbin to try and at least calm down.

"continue." chan calmly said. hyunjin hesitantly nodded, "a week after i left south korea and to the u.s., my mom tried talking some sense into me about only a different gender should be interested into each other. male and female, perhaps in a better definition. and since my cousin yeji was into girls only, and her siblings werent straight, they had been angry. they didnt want me around people who were into the same gender as themselves.

they tried to get me to talk to them but it was useless because i kept quiet and still in that year, i only gave them simply answers and went to yeji. half the year later, i fell into depression, really bad depression. it felt as if my parents disowned me for being into guys and not girls. they had let the public know i was dating lalisa manoban. but lisa, short for lalisa, had said herself that she and i werent dating and that she's with a guy named bambam or something like that.

lisa and i are childhood friends but she knew i was always into guys. then she got me out of the rumors of her and i dating by explaining to the public of how i, myself, am gay and would not marry someone i dont love.

i would marry someone who i actually love and enjoy being with. and i found who he is." felix calmed down, relaxing in hyunjin's arms.

the air around them was kind of awkward since chan and changbin were whispering to themselves as felix stayed in hyunjin's arms, nearly falling asleep from being too comfortable.

"so..." chan began, "show us how much felix means to you, dont hurt him in any way either push him away. or else you'll have to deal with the consequences."

hyunjin nodded, "i will show you."

a/n 2023: got some of this edited i think lol. it might be good as it is