𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐲 | roger taylor

XLIX

September 29, 1978

"So, what do you think? You hate it, don't you?" Roger runs a hand through his hair, eyes bulging out of his skull. "I knew you would. Maybe I should-"

"I don't hate it, will you relax?"

"Oh."

"I'm just trying to get a feel of it. Play it again."

He hits a button, and the track starts from the beginning. Roger's song contribution to the new album, More of That Jazz, is one he recorded himself, playing every instrument and doing all the vocals. It's an interesting piece, with the bridge including clips of a few songs from the album. It's his voice that I love the most- the gruff sound, paired with the surprisingly high falsetto that appears on occasion throughout.

"When have I ever hated anything you made?" I wonder aloud as the song comes to a close. "It's great. Freddie said it could close the album?"

Roger nods, leaning back in his chair in relief.

"I really like it."

"Thanks." He's beaming now, slightly flushed. "I think it's good enough."

"This means you're done then, doesn't it?" I think back to the past few months, how hard they all worked on this album. From the few songs I've already heard, I'm sure it'll be one of my favorites.

"Pretty much. Just a few finishing touches and it's basically done." The weight of his words seem to hit him all at once- his entire body relaxes as he sighs. "Wow."

"Are we still going to Freddie's tonight?"

"If you want. I think he'll be upset if we skip this one, too."

"You're right." I think the party scene has been wearing us both out- we must be getting old if the only place we want to be is together, at home.

Luckily, this party is a lot more relaxed than we expected. Freddie is sober enough to joke about us becoming an old married couple- he whispers it as he passes us, before continuing to climb onto a table to make a speech.

He rambles on for what feels like several minutes, but it's only the last few sentences that I catch. "So thanks for coming everyone," he says, raising his drink high in the chair. "Here's to being back on the road this time next month!"

When the words finally sink in, I feel myself go still. Did I hear that correctly?

Apparently I did. Roger grabs onto my elbow as the people around us move about, returning to the party it was previously. He's panicked, however, gauging my reaction. "Thea-"

"You're leaving in a month?" I swallow, feeling defeated. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He looks at me in earnest. "I was gonna tell you tonight, I swear. I just wanted more time with you. I didn't want you to be upset."

"I would've been less upset if you'd just told me when you found out."

"So you're upset then?"

I look at him. "To find out from someone else that you're leaving soon, and won't be back for months? A little."

"I'm sorry." He takes one of my hands. "It won't happen again."

I decide against continuing the conversation, making up an excuse that I need air, and leaving him looking slightly crestfallen. I understand exactly why he didn't tell me, which is the entire problem. These past few months have flown by, as perhaps the most blissful ones I've had in a while. I didn't want to think about when it would end, and the date is too soon for me to process.

I find myself wandering upstairs and onto the balcony. It's cool and quiet here, my thoughts suddenly louder without the downstairs noise drowning them out. The scene might be romantic if not for how awful I feel- I can see the stars so clearly, the crescent moon shining to accompany them.

Everything- the relationship, the living situation- is working out better than we could've possibly hoped. His busy schedule and the impending tours loom over our heads like clouds about to burst, threatening to disturb our sunshine. The optimistic part of me knows we can make anything work. But I've seen what distance can do to relationships, and frankly it terrifies me not knowing what could happen. We haven't even dared approach the subject.

A hand lands on the small of my back, startling me. "Sorry. Can we talk?"

I nod.

"You know I'd arrange for both of you to come along in a heartbeat if you wanted, right?"

"I know."

"And I'll respect and understand your decision either way."

"I know."

Roger wraps his arms around my middle, his chin on my shoulder. "Then what's the matter? Are you changing your mind?"

"No." I sigh. "Audrey needs to stay here. I couldn't pull her out of school."

"Sounds reasonable."

A rather chilly gust of wind slides over us- he holds me tighter. "And you won't be back until what? Christmas?"

"Something like that. And you know, she's only four. What would she really miss if we pulled her out for a little while?"

"To fly out and visit you?"

He shrugs. "It's not perfect, but it's better than nothing."

I'm thoughtful for a moment. Traveling doesn't sound so bad, especially if it's just for a little at a time. Audrey could handle it fine, I'm sure. "I think that would work," I say finally, but my words must not reach my eyes. "It'll get easier when she's older, and you're all less... busy. Until then, we can make do."

He's staring at me now, with a softness that touches me. "I know what you're worried about," he says quietly. "I wish you could understand how much you both mean to me. I wouldn't risk that for anything."

I try to smile. "It's just part of dating a rockstar, isn't it?"

"I'd think we're a little past just dating, don't you?" he replies with a frown. "Are you gonna have commitment issues forever?"

"I do not have-" I begin to say, quickly stopping myself. "Don't turn this on me."

He laughs. "I love you, you know. And we're gonna be fine."

"I know."

We don't speak for a while, but somehow I know everything he needs to say by the way he leans against me. Something suddenly occurs to me- although it was easy for us to resume our relationship from before, I know now that it's completely different this time around. We're closer in a way we weren't four years ago. I feel whole simply being around him, and my heart is fuller than it has ever been.

Roger fishes around in his pocket, pulling out a small velvet box. "I wasn't gonna do this tonight, but I don't care," he begins, sighing. "I've had it with me everyday hoping the right moment would come, but I'm sick of waiting."

To my surprise, my mouth pulls into a smile. I thought I would dread it when he finally did it- but nothing feels more right. "You've been carrying it around?"

"For a few months."

"What took you so long?"

He smiles, and finally opens it to reveal a ring.

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