𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐲 | roger taylor

XXX

August 27, 1973

I hadn't spoken to him in two weeks.

Fourteen days had gone by, and not a single word from him. He didn't try to contact me. He didn't mention anything to any of the boys, according to Freddie. We had cut ties with each other completely, and I was feeling the break. It was as if there was a taut rubber band stretched between us, and it had suddenly snapped, bouncing back to slap us both from the strain. The painful sting still buzzed in my chest.

Not to mention I was severely sick. Nauseous during every second of the day, living off of ginger ale and crackers. I assumed it was an awful, long lasting stomach bug, but it could've been a side effect from the break up. Did people grow sick after harsh break ups? My body felt the pain as much as my mind did. I just hoped it would all be over soon, and I'd be able to move on from this chapter in my life. Easier said than done.

I'd gone to stay with Josy instead of with my sister, so I could be closer to work. I didn't understand how I managed to get up in the morning, what with all my body was going through at the moment. There was some sort of drive in me, though, an ambitious feeling that made me want to work harder and fix my life.

I didn't have nearly enough money saved to find a new flat, and that thought struck me in every waking hour. How would I possibly afford to live on my own, and how long would it take until I got to that point? So I worked harder, taking extra shifts when I could and throwing myself into it entirely. My sickness didn't help my case. I tried to hide how I was feeling from Stephen and my boss, yet they were very perceptive, especially the former. I needed to work, and if they knew I was sick they'd send me home, which was not something I wanted in the slightest.

Home... another thing I currently didn't have. Being with Josy had the same comfort, yet physically it was difficult. Her roommate had left altogether, going to stay with a boyfriend of hers instead of in the cramped dorm. That left more space for my belongings, yet still not nearly enough. I felt horrible about it... another thorn in my side.

"You can stay as long as you need to," she'd told me genuinely, putting a hand on my forearm for emphasis. "You're not a pain, so stop saying that."

I still felt like a pain, no matter how she comforted me.

It was a Monday when my life took a final spin, throwing me even farther out of control than before. My long shift had finally ended, and I emerged into the prominent sun, feeling it soak into my hair and skin. I usually walked from work back to campus, and today was no exception. It was sweltering outside, the kind of heat that clings to you and your every pore.

The temperature didn't help my current state, and as I walked along downtown, my nausea was increasing remarkably. I took deep breaths, an arm cradling my rolling stomach. Please just make it back to campus, please.

I started walking faster, sweat dripping down my back, various pedestrians giving me odd looks as I passed. I was able to make it to a bush in a more secluded area before I finally vomited, my head throbbing, a lump forming in my throat.

And then the crying started, as I stood up and wiped my face along my shirt. The blouse would be ruined, but I didn't care. I let the tears fall freely, not caring about whoever saw or what they thought. Everything was going wrong for me lately, after life had once been so good. I was on a rollercoaster aimed sharply downward, moving too fast. The negative thoughts filled my head as I continued back to the dorms, sweat mixing with the tears on my cheeks.

I only cried harder when I saw Josy, who's face immediately dropped when I entered.

"Oh, Thea." She opened her arms to me, and I fell gratefully into them. Josy held me close to her as I sobbed, strangely quiet in thought. "I think that's enough."

"Hm?" I leaned away from her, confused.

"It's time."

Josy frowned. "You need to get tested," she explained, voice growing soft. "I knew you aren't ready, but I think now... you have to be."

My heart dropped, realizing the weight of what she'd said. "There's no way," I whispered through dry lips.

"Yes, there is," she said firmly. "You have to be responsible now, before it's too late. Even if you're not..." Josy bit her lip, as if knowing what the outcome would be.

She took my hand in hers, giving me a sad, yet hopeful smile- my whole body had gone cold.

I couldn't see how this situation was hopeful. No matter the outcome, I didn't want it come to this. A possible pregnancy with my ex-boyfriend, who'd broken my heart more than any other man could.

-

"Thea?"

My sister's voice was like music, filling my heaving chest with the tiniest amount of relief. Night had fallen outside, and I was tucked inside a phone booth, pressing it to my ear.

"What's the matter?"

"Amaris, I need you." I sounded small, meek. "I'm pregnant."

The words were foreign on my tongue, and it felt weird just to say them. I'd finally accepted it, after hours of tears and denial. I'd put Josy through hell, and I finally had to leave her. I could go back to my sister, find a better job, get on my feet. She would help me with my decision.

"Jesus," she sighed on the other end. "Roger's, right?"

"Mm."

"Do you know what you're gonna do?"

"I thought... I could go stay with you. At least for a little. While I decide."

Her silence was long and deafening. "I think you know where you have to go, Thea. I can't help you the way I wish to. Financially, at least. You need-"

"Don't say it."

"-to go see them. I know it sounds awful, but they'd help you. I'm only trying to-"

I hung up the phone with a hard clunk, sinking down low in the booth. Another round of sobs struck me. My own sister turning me away. Nothing could possibly hurt more than this.

But maybe she was right. If not Amaris, Josy, or Roger, what other choice did I have but to go back to them? It was the last thing I wanted. To come crawling back on my knees, begging for their support. I could already hear my mother's stern words... something along the lines of "I told you so." But to feel my father's comforting hug again, maybe that would make it worth it.

-

A firm knock on the door. My hand shook as I brought it down to rest awkwardly at my side. I was thankful for the dark, acting like a cloak against my sickened state. The place was the same since I'd last left it- neatly trimmed lawn, house grander than one needed, the sounds of crickets chirping in the distance. The moon hung, high and proud, over the top of the house. I turned my face to it, taking in a breath of cool air.

Suddenly, there was a metallic scratching sound as the locks were being undone. The door slowly opened, and there stood my mother. Clad in a fluffy robe, thick hair down around her shoulders. Under the moonlight, her sternness was worn away, leaving just... her. I felt a rush of emotion, tears pricking in the corners of my eyes once more.

"Thea?"
I threw myself into her arms. After a couple seconds, she returned the embrace, and squeezed me tighter.

-

a/n

took me forever and i'm still not happy with how this turned out, can you believe it? sorry about this, truly. this concludes the end of part one and commences the beginning of part two! love you all so much for your patience <3

liz