Shelter [Kurotsuki]

Chapter 2

Kei: Give me Kenma's address.

Tsukishima usually hates texting. Especially texting Hinata but he doesn't really know who else to go to other than texting Kuroo himself and it's been several months now since they spoke and even then it was just a few words when Kuroo had come to watch a practice match between Karasuno and Nekoma.

Hinata: Kenma lives in tokyo!!!

What do u need his adress for??

are u in tokyo??!!??

adress is --------------

Tsukishima sighs at the spam of texts coming in now. He doesn't bother to read them all once he's got the address. Instead, he types it into his phone's GPS and finds the train route. He lets himself move on autopilot. Making his way to the station and buying the ticket without really thinking about anything. After a while, his phone stops blowing up and he puts his headphones on while he waits to board the train. He watches the clouds from his breath fade away. He didn't bother to grab a jacket on his way out but he doesn't really feel the cold. He still doesn't feel anything.

Briefly, he wonders if he should call his brother. If he should tell him what happened. But there's no knowing what his reaction would be. Disgust like their father? Disappointed tears like their mother? It's all too much of a bother for Tsukishima. He doesn't want to know how much of a disappointment he is. He finds a seat on the train and turns up his music. Letting his head rest against the window. He's taken the trip to Tokyo plenty of times, with his team and with his parents. He's never done it alone though. He's not a fan of the city or the crowds. He tries not to think about what he'll do when he gets there.

Tsukishima thinks about Kuroo instead. Because he knows that thinking about Kuroo, remembering every moment he's had with Kuroo is guaranteed to make him stop thinking about everything else. He thinks about that first trip to nationals. He thinks about the disappointment of losing after everything that they'd gone through. If Hinata hadn't gotten sick. If his leg hadn't cramped. After the game was over Tsukishima had needed to be alone. While the team cooled down he snuck away. He hated that feeling, he hated all his feelings. He'd sat in an empty hallway and tried to push it all down but his leg had still been hurting and the disappointment had been so fresh. His eyes had burned with unshed tears. And then Kuroo appeared. He'd dropped his Nekoma jacket on Tsukishima's head and then knelt down. With his face hidden he'd been able to let go. He'd clung to the jacket and let the tears fall free, his body wracked with sobs. He'd never been that tired before in his life. Kuroo hadn't said anything then. He'd taken Tsukishima's leg in his hands and massaged the sore muscles. The feeling of Kuroo's hands on his thigh had distracted him from his pathetic feelings.

"You lost too," Tsukishima had reminded him his voice had been muffled by the fabric of the jacket.

"Yeah but I'm your cool mentor. It's my job to comfort you." He'd been able to hear the smile in Kuroo's voice. He'd needed to be comforted. He'd needed to feel something other than defeat. He'd let the jacket fall onto his lap and grabbed onto the older man's shirt pulling him in. Kuroo had gone willingly. He knelt between Tsukishima's legs and wrapped one arm around his shoulders tight. Used the other to brace himself on the wall to not lose his balance. Tsukishima had twisted his hands into Kuroo's jersey and let himself cry into the other boy's shirt. He doesn't remember how long they'd stayed that way. He'd felt bad afterward. The position couldn't have been comfortable for Kuroo. His jersey had been left full of snot and tears.

Tsukishima slipped his phone out of his pocket. Hinata must have said something to the rest of their teammates because he's got more texts now. He sighs and answers Yamaguchi at least.

Yamaguchi: you texted Hinata?? What's wrong?

Kei: nothing's wrong

Yamaguchi: but you never text Hinata. What do you need kenma's address for?

Kei: drop it.

Yamaguchi: sorry tsukki. I'm home today if you need me.

Kei: I'm fine.

He puts his phone back and tries to take a few deep breaths but his chest feels tight. Tsukishima shakes his head trying to clear it. He tries to distract himself again by thinking about Kuroo. The last time they'd really spent any time together had been during a training camp in Tsukishima's second year. He'd been training in gym three with Akaashi.

"Have you spoken to Kuroo lately?" Akaashi had asked.

"No why would I have?" Kuroo had texted him a few times since the day they'd lost in nationals. Sometimes Tsukishima texted back. Most of the time he ignored the texts. Kuroo had seen him at his worst. He'd probably had to go home and wash snot out of his uniform.

"I thought you two were close is all" Akaashi had shrugged a bit and then he'd nodded at the ball in Tsukishima's hand. Tsukishima tossed the ball to him and watched him set it. He ran up to hit it but instead of it slamming into the ground it hit a block, and Kuroo had been there grinning at him. Tsukishima had stared at him in surprise. Kuroo's eyes had sparkled playfully.

"Tsukki" he purred as he'd ducked under the net. Tsukishima had barely had time to protest the nickname before Kuroo had wrapped him in a tight hug.

"Let go please Kuroo-san," he asked. But he couldn't bring himself to try and pull away. Akaashi had come over to greet Kuroo and the older man had turned to greet him as well but he kept one arm around Tsukishima the whole time.

Kuroo was a college student. But he had a break from school and had insisted on coming back to help his kouhai train. He spent a lot of the training camp with all of the younger students but every night he was in gym three with Tsukishima and Akaashi. Sometimes Lev or Hinata would join them but the three were always there consistently. Then the final night had come. Akaashi was training one of his kouhai in the main gym and Tsukishima had been practicing his serves alone when Kuroo had come in.

"How's it going Tsukki?" The former captain had asked. Tsukishima had ignored him. He'd picked up another ball and served it. Watched as Kuroo had moved to smoothly receive it.

"Don't college students have more important things to be doing with their time?"

"Don't worry Tsukki. I've got plenty of time still to be your mentor." Tsukishima had scoffed and served another ball. They had stayed there together until the end of dinner. Kuroo had talked to him and occasionally Tsukishima had answered him. They'd eaten dinner together and Kuroo had still chatted and even though Tsukishima was used to his friendship Yamaguchi where the other boy was happy to fill the silence with his own voice but Kuroo was different. He spoke in a way that made Tsukishima want to answer him. Pulling the conversation out bit by bit. But it never really felt forced to Tsukishima. He couldn't really explain it but he was comfortable talking to the older boy. By the end of the night, when he'd laid on his futon staring at the ceiling and listening to the sounds of his teammates sleeping around him he found that while his body was exhausted from the practice he didn't feel drained in the same way that he normally did when he was forced into an extended conversation. He'd even kind of wanted to talk to Kuroo more and that wasn't something he ever really experienced.

Tsukishima barely notices anything on the train ride to Tokyo. He puts his phone on do not disturb when calls start coming in from his mother and his brother. He doesn't want to think about anything back home. He doesn't want to think about anything at all. His skin feels tight now that the numbness is wearing away but he does his best to ignore it as he gets off the train and tries to navigate his way to his destination. Vaguely he notices the cold air blowing through the fabric of his long-sleeved t-shirt but he couldn't care less. He lets his feet move forward, following the directions from his phone and trying not to think about the crowds of people he has to get through to get there.