my choice

CHAPTER EIGHT

I couldn't bring my self to look up at Jay. I had kept staring at my fingers. This seemed to be a nervous habit I had only came to noticed about myself.
" Lacy. You got hurt today. Sure it was only small but what if it wasn't okay? It could have been worse you could have been as bad as Mason was." Jay ran his fingers through his brown locks. This was another nervous habit but instead of being one for me, it was jays habit.
" I'm sorry. I wasn't even suppose to do what I did alright? Mason had a plan and everything went wrong.I had no choice but to involve myself in what happened or something could of happened to mason, like death." I had finally brought myself to look up at him. He wasn't looking at me though he was starting down at the floor. I went to put my hand on his own but was stopped by his voice," maybe this was wrong to do. We should go home call this off. You've proved your parents wrong by being here for these past couple of months Lacy. You did it so let's leave." Is he being serious? He was willing to give this all away and abandon his last chance off getting his mother back. Is he crazy! " really? What about your mother jay. Your going to give up? Let her suffer like that all because of me. Let me do what I need to do alright! I don't need you to babysit me. " I picked myself up and walked out rolling my eyes.

While I was walking around the agency I had bumped into someone. Looking up I saw it was Rosie, I didn't want to speak to anyone as I had felt guilty from what I had said to Jay. I wanted to turn around and go back and apologise it was really selfish of me to say those things after he confided in me to tell his story and his feelings too. " what's up with you? Shouldn't you be having a great time after catching an important person for this case? But instead you look like something crawled up your arse and bit you." Rosie stated with no emotion written on her face. Something I had learned since I had met her Briefly was she always had a blunt tone unless she couldn't handle her emotions like when everything had went down today.
" I had an argument with Jay. I feel like a dick." She just nodded and immediately walked off. " oh. Thanks for the help I appreciate it Rosie!" I said shouting after her.
Normally after going through something that made my emotions all over the place I would go and talk to my mother. But I didn't have that to do anymore I felt even more alone. Once again that guilt had risen in my chest as the one person I could go to with these things now was jay. But I had just pushed him away from me.
Without any thought I just started  to wander around the agency, until I had found myself outside my grandfathers office. Knocking on I waited for a loud" come in" before walking into the office. I had only been in here once or twice and it was for short periods of times during the months I had  been here.
Looking around I noticed the plain and boring decor inside. It was just a big desk with a bunch of files all piled up on each other, just showing how busy of a man my grandfather really was.
" Lacy. What's wrong sweetie? " my grandfather said while walking over to a side table with a kettle and a bunch of cups. He had started to pour himself a cup of coffee and gave me a bottle of coke. I muttered a thanks and went and sat down at the opposite side of his desk. " everything is wrong. I finally got involved in the action. I felt like I belonged, I felt like an actual spy! And I got hurt but I didn't mind all that much as it wasn't serious to me. But Jay didn't see it this way grandfather, we got into an argument." He looked over at me and nodded.
Then finally I was handed some advice I could finally use to make my friendship with Jay all go back to normal again. " well, it doesn't matter what you was arguing about. But how you both feel. Do you get where he is coming from? He is your friend.  You both have took a big and adventurous step to come into the city to help each other out. You didn't expect what happened to be thrown at you both, I'm sure how things have turned out was the last thing you and Jay expected. " he walked over to his papers and picked up the one on the top and opened it before looking into my eyes " you know what you need to do. You can understand each other you both feel the same thing. He's worried your going to get hurt being on the front lines. Imagine if it was him and you had to watch it happen to him." And with that he picked up his things patted my shoulder and walked out.