Abominable

Ch.26 - What have I done?

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(Recap)

"Hey, she'll pull through. You've done everything Hoseok... You stayed alive for her, in addition to that... You never stopped searching for her. You saw how she tried to show you how happy she was to finally know you were her brother. And to hear it from you! She thinks the world of you Hobi. You have to think positive. She loves you... Don't forget that."

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                       (Namjoon's POV)

"Thank you. I needed to hear that. Especially having gone through a lot back then. I was scared of what I'd turn out to be. I just want her to be okay. Finally catch up on our missed years of not being together. I didn't even get to see her grow up. I feel envious of Jin sometimes, he got to experience that."

"Better late than never Hoseok. You have many years to go to get know Cecile. I don't think she'd mind starting over with you." He laughed with a smile on his face. I haven't seen a genuine smile from him since we first met. Now I only hoped she would get better.

"Your sister, Was she- Dead? Did you ever go inside to look?" My breathing faltered. With a question like that, I'm sure anyone would have a hard time answering.

"No. I never went inside, because I knew if I did look. I'd want to be in their place, I learned to cope with their death. I did feel loneliness, with them gone. Guess you just get used to it. Never had other family. I had no one else to go to for help. Even with being turned, I dealt with it alone." I never looked him in the eyes. I felt shame. I left their bodies there to rot. It killed me, to know I was too much of a coward to bury my own family.

"We may not be blood related. But you never have to be alone anymore. You're surrounded by people who would die in battle for you. You've saved the lives of many. And I know that look in your eyes, you feel ashamed? Any kid in your shoes would be terrified to walk into a room where your family lay deceased. Others may call you weak. I call it strength. You know why? Because you've lived many years in darkness, running from your past alone. Many children lose their mother and father and never heal from it. But you, you've done more. Achieving great things while you being alone, and all that in the process of grieving. Whilst others would give up. You learned to accept your path. You've built yourself into the man that you are now."

"I don't know... There's always that thought in the back of my head that I should've done better. I didn't even look back once, once! Because in all honesty my parents were the worst. They hated me. They wanted me to be picture perfect son. Until my little sister came along, they became the angel parents I wish I had." I scoffed then sniffled.