Until US

Chapter 16

Pharm looked at his friend with soft eyes. "Team, it seems you like P'Win a bit more than just as your Hia." Team closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I have been thinking about this for quite a while now. I don't know what it is, but I can't stop thinking about him. When he teases me, it annoys me. But when he is not teasing me, it annoys me even more, because it feels like I have done something wrong. I can't stand the thought of him being mad at me. I don't understand what this feeling means, but when Hia is near me, my heart starts beating faster. When he puts his arm around my shoulder, I feel butterflies in my stomach. The parts of my body he touches get hot. I feel my brain getting empty and my cheeks getting hot when he smirks at me. I feel stupid, which makes me angry, and I say stuff I don't mean, like, that he annoys me and I want him to go when it's actually the opposite. I just don't want to feel this way", Team groaned desperately.

"Why?", Pharm asked. "Because it is Hia. He has always had countless partners. So many people want to be with him. He could have anybody he wants. I don't want to have feelings for a person everybody likes." "What if..he likes you, too?", Pharm asked. "Out of all people, why would Hia like ME? I am not good-looking, I am not smart. I am clumsy, moody, stupid.. and he..he is.. nice, caring, smart, ..and..really good-looking. Everything I am not. Why would anybody fall for me? Especially Hia?" "Have you told him how you feel?", Pharm asked, even though he already knew the answer. "NO! And you can't tell him, either! Promise me, you won't tell anyone! Not Manaow and especially not Dean!" "I promise, but do you really think, this is a good idea?", Pharm asked worriedly. "Yes, I do think so. These feelings will go away." 'Besides, I have other things to concentrate on. School, swimming. I don't have time for..unrequited love', Team was adding in mind.

"How is Araya?", Pharm suddenly asked. "I think she is fine. Actually, we plan to go watching a movie this weekend. Do you wanna join?", Team asked. "Sounds fun, but I have already promised Dean to go .. on a date with him", Pharm said, with a slight blush. "I see. Manaow said she has a date with Pruk, too. But I have already promised Araya to watch a movie with her. Watching a movie in the cinema alone with a girl feels strange though", Team said. "Haven't you watched a movie with Manoaw alone many times?", Pharm asked. "This is different..It's Manaow. She is like my mother and my sister in one person." "Don't let her hear that", Pharm said laughing. "Yeah, she would probably kill me. But Araya is a real girl." "Don't let her hear that, too", Pharm warned. "You know what I mean. Manaow is like a sister to me, but Araya.." Pharm raised an eyebrow. "Do you have any feelings for Araya?", he asked curiously. "Araya is a nice and cute girl. When I am with her, I feel nervous. But..just because I am not really used to being around girls. I haven't been with a girl alone since forever. It makes me nervous because I am afraid of embarrassing myself. But..I don't get..my heart does not beat faster..not like.." "..when you're with him", Pharm finished the sentence and Team nodded. "Does Araya know that?" Team was looking at Pharm confused. "What do you mean?", he asked. "Did you tell Araya, you have no romantic feelings for her?" "Why should I?", the boy asked. "Well, maybe she feels different. Maybe she sees more in you, than a friend." "No way. As I said before, why would anybody feel anything for me? Araya is a beautiful girl. Every man would fall for her." "You don't", Pharm pointed out. "I..It's..It's because.." "Because you already have someone your heart belongs to", Pharm finished the sentence and Team could feel his cheeks getting hot again.

"When are you planning on coming back to school", Dean asked Win, who was laying on his bed, his face buried into his pillow. It was the third day that he did not go to school because he was afraid of facing a certain person. "How will I ever be able to face him again? I called him..drunk. I had almost confessed to him. Team must be pretty angry at me right now." "Well, I think, he is more worried than angry", Dean said, while looking at his friend with concern. "How do you know?" "He asked me, what is wrong with you lately? And..he said he is worried." Win raised his head and looked at Dean shocked. "You..you talked to him? What did you tell him?!", he asked anxiously. "Nothing. I said he needs to ask you himself. Win, you really need to tell him the truth. You need to tell him, what you feel. Lying here and hiding won't solve your problem. Team is really worried about you. And you know best, what it feels like to worry about a person, who is important to you. You have always scolded him for making you worry so much, and now it's you who makes him worry."

Win knew Dean was right. But he could not bring himself to tell Team the truth. He didn't want to hear the words he was so afraid of. "He will never speak to me again when he knows the truth. You know Team. Just being in the same room as me would make him uncomfortable. He would straight up avoid me if he'd know." "You mean like you are avoiding him right now?" "Don't use logic on me, Dean. I am really not in the mood for your teasing", Win said annoyed. "So, you won't tell him how you are really feeling, because you are afraid of losing him. I understand that. But you really need to talk to him. He is worried. He does not understand what happened. He thinks he has done something wrong!" Win looked at Dean, shocked. "What?! He thinks..NO! He has nothing done wrong! Well, maybe.. it would have been easier for me if he had told me about his girlfriend earlier. But it wouldn't change anything about my feelings for him and my decision." "You mean, you would not have told him, even if he had no girlfriend?" "I..I don't know. Team is so..inscrutable. Sometimes I think..he likes my teasing. Sometimes, I think..he understands that I am flirting with him and he flirts back, but when he says stupid things like..no one could ever fall in love with him.. or that I am perfect and he isn't..I am not sure about it anymore. I don't really think he gets my feelings for him. Even though I think it is pretty obvious." Dean chuckled. "Yeah, it was pretty obvious, well, at least to me." Win gave Dean one of his death stares, but he did not seem to care.

"What are you gonna do now?", Dean asked his best friend. "I will try to suppress my feelings for him. He has a girlfriend, after all. And I want him to be happy. Team deserves to be happy...and if she makes him happy..I will be happy for him. Who am I to destroy his luck?" "What about your luck, Win?" "I am happy if he is happy. Him being happy is all that matters to me." "And you think, you can suppress your feeling for him for forever?", Dean asked. "I don't want him to feel bad for me. He hasn't had a clue that I have feelings for him for so long, so he won't figure it out by himself. As long as he is happy..Believe me, I can handle that. I will handle that."