B R E A T H E

h i r a e t h

have you ever noticed that all the ugly emotions have beautiful words to describe them?

melancholia

loneliness

morose

misery

these words aren't confined to a prison of one language

for example, hiraeth is a welsh word meaning a homesickness for a home you cannot return to

beautiful, no doubt
but it makes me crumble into pieces

i find parts of myself scattered all over this house that you left me in

my hair blocking the drainage in the cold bathroom, where you used to put shampoo in my hair, so that I'd smell like your favorite fruit

my blood staining the couch, where we used to kiss while bathing in the static light coming from the old television you got from a flea market

my nails on the floor of the living room, where you used to paint them neon pink

remains of my vomit sticking on the mirror in a trajectory, like that roller-coaster where you told me you loved me

i hate how this one word in a language that i don't even understand can invoke so much sadness inside of me

i always struggled to find words to describe you and now that i've found one, just as beautiful as you

i want to scratch it away from existence

it should sound less pretty

it should sound less you.