B R E A T H E

d i s s o c i a t i o n

lover, tell me, where are you?

in the moments when you're looking out the window
your coffee growing colder than my hands, where are you then?

are you drowning yourself in the clouds?

is that why the rains taste so much like heartbreak?

are you floating in the large expanse of memories?

is that why you tug at the loops in my jeans?

are you coloring the skies under your wrist a crimson red?

is that why you're wearing a turtleneck?

am i with you?

in those moments when you drift away as i sit by your side,

brushing your finger tips with my lips,

failing to send shivers down your spine, like i used to, am i there at all?

is it too late for me to follow?

what am i supposed to do?

where do i find you when you're sleeping right next to me?

shall i hold you?

shall i wait?

but what if i kept waiting forever?

what if you never came back?

what if you didn't see me when you open your eyes?

what if? what if? what if?

i want to poison all my what ifs

right now, you're lying on top of me with your head against my chest

your breathing is shallow

your lungs seem like a broken needle, barely scraping the record, turning my favourite song into a loud screech that makes my ear bleed

i don't want to hear it anymore

your nails dig into my carotid

you can make me bleed to death if you want to

but you won't

people kill each other but we're not them

every night, i sleep with your ghost, waiting for you to come alive and kiss me until i am begging for air

it's been three weeks four days and seventy two hours since we made love

now all we do is fuck each other senseless

sometimes i go into the bathroom and scrub myself until my skin turns red because i can feel it crawling after kissing your dead lips

i am begging for the girl who set my mouth on fire with her tongue to come back but she's no where to be found

does she want to be found?

does she need me?

does she care at all?

because i do

i want to hold you and feel like a sparkler on fourth of july again

i want to hear the music of your laugh again

lover, where do you live?

where do i start looking for you?

more importantly, when?

now?

tonight?

tomorrow?

or

never?