B R E A T H E

f e r n t r e e

i dream of us in world's that don't exist

you would call them multiverse

it was one of your favourite things to talk about

"you believe in fiction, i believe in alternative realities. we are not so different, you know?" you'd say, flicking embers off of your marlboro

i close my eyes and i can almost see it

in an alternate universe, you and i were the only ones who survived the apocalypse

we made love till we ran out of breath and when the bugs came to feast on our empty bellies, they found two hearts in one body

you were me and i were you and no one was there to tell us apart

in another universe, i only met you once

we made eye contact and you smiled at me from across the room and somehow that was enough to stop me from killing myself

my bag heavy from all kinds of drugs and rat poison i bought that afternoon was left behind

i was ready to take my life but then i didn't

because a stranger—you—smiled at me

i never saw you after that but you were still the one who saved me

in another universe, you and i got married and had two kids—just like you always wanted

we lost our eldest kin to cancer and the loss drove me towards insanity

i died— crazed and touch starved—because i couldn't stop tearing my flesh off of me

you blamed yourself and died of a broken heart

our daughter buried us together under a fern tree

we slept peacefully under the earth until we became one with the dirt

i imagine these universes where you and i were together till the end or at least found a way to save each other

it hurts a little less than living in this universe where you and i have all this history and we don't end up together

out of all the universes, this one is the worst because this is the one where we ended up hating each other

this is the one where we kill each other.