Relationship Status - It's complicated

Chapter 26 - Dinner Cruise!

Shiv

Anjali had slept in my arms but not before blabbering that he had hurt her repeatedly. Emotionally and physically! She had cried so much that I was really worried at one point. She kept muttering before sleeping that she didn't know if she was ever right in demanding physical relations from him or even that she was so inexperienced that she didn't know what I would think about her. After making sure she was sound asleep, I unwrapped my arm from under her shoulders. I kissed the top of her head, adjusted her hair and duvet and then got out of bed.

Without realizing, I started pacing the room slowly. It was a lot to take in. Although I knew the truth about her first marriage, learning it in explicit detail had left me in deep disturbing thoughts. What kind of sick family was she married into? I wonder what kind of intimacy was she introduced to and moreover an even more important thought running in my head was - did he do anything wrong her like force her for s*xual things that are not legal in our country but nobody finds out? However, it was no use finding out that now, was there? So, I had to let it go!  

I had stopped her from telling me when we sat in the cafe by orphanage before marriage because being a stranger, I couldn't have provided her with much words of comfort. Today, all I could do was hear her out, I didn't stop her as I didn't want her to hold back anything from me now. 

Another parallel chain of thoughts running in my head were if only our society was more receptive and supportive about LGBT community, this could have been avoided. Anjali  remained strong and patient but ultimately it was the resolve of the father that led her out of her misery. Why were we tuned to always find it ok to see a man with a woman but a woman with another woman that way was nothing more than friends and a man with another man were mere 'yaari/dosti'. 

I hate to admit that it took time for a me, well educated person coming from a good family background to accept the realities too. It took time to understand that love means differently to different people and that love is beyond traditions! 

On the other hand, I had a really strong urge to physically be intimate with Anjali when we were in the pool. It was probably because it had been a really long time before I had relieved myself that way. I felt bad and guilty of having such strong desires while she was still getting comfortable with me. I knew it wasn't really far now, I just had to keep my desires in check but my body needed what it needed naturally - a long due release. 

So many thoughts ! It made me feel suffocated in our room. I wanted to get some fresh air but I wasn't going out of the villa mainly because that might scare Anjali ! I decided to sit on one the lounge chairs in the deck area next to the pool in the vicinity of the bed so that I could keep an eye on her. 

My stomach rumbled at the next instant which made me realize that Anjali had gone to bed without dinner! Sure, we had a heavy Indian cuisine lunch but that had been hours ago. I wanted to order something in for myself but then I did not even have much appetite left for full blown meal.

I, therefore walked towards the mini fridge in the foyer that was supposed to be packed with overpriced snacks and small bottles of alcohol. My mind was so meddled that I didn't care about the prices and simply took a bag of chips and small bag of mixed nuts.

I briefly pondered at the small bottle of scotch among the collection but sincerely rejected the idea. Somehow drinking alone was just sad! And somehow today it felt like my drinking days were behind me.

I drank a lot when Shikha left me which was also the reason for this belly paunch. Now, I just felt nothing looking at drinks in general but there was regret because I had so much work out to do to get rid of this belly.