Tired of pacing in the room in the heavy bridal attire, she sat down at the end of the large bed at the center of the room. Suddenly she was reminded of the first night of her first wedding. Manish's cousin sisters had made her sit in the new bride...
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Shiv
"Ji, Pooja accompanies me usually."
"Ok. That makes sense. Listen, I think you have full right to choose as to who should be accompanying you to your gynecologist appointments. I want you to understand that. If you want to go alone, you should. Just promise me, you will tell me if there is something I should know after you meet with the doctor. Ok?" I held her hands in mine and squeezed them slightly before letting go.
She nodded and then lowered her gaze. She had just told me that she had her annual check up with her gynecologist tomorrow. She didn't explicitly ask me to not accompany but then she didn't even tell me otherwise. I felt slightly disappointed but I had to understand it was her choice. I didn't own her body, she did.
I let out a sigh and looked at Anjali who was now fiddling with the edge of her dupatta, she wanted to say something. One day, I hope you won't think so much before talking to me. She got up to use the restroom and change perhaps while I sat at the same spot trying to understand her emotions at this point.
I had made it each and every appointment of Shikha when she had conceived. It only made sense! I also knew the kind of questions including the ones concerning abuse Shikha was asked by her gynecologist behind the screens as Shikha would tell me everything later. It was actually nice that doctors were trained to do so and I always hoped that the women answered honestly.
I was pondering over the questions and answers Anjali must have given in the past. Anjali had said she was scheduled for annual check ups after her therapist doctor had detected signs of abuse and extreme stress on her. I was lost in my thoughts when I noticed Anjali walk out of the washroom wearing her pale blue silk night gown. I had to man up and talk to her about family planning.
"I owe you an apology, Anjali." She immediately glanced my way as she was fluffing her pillow on her side of the bed.
"Ji?" Her eyes widened and she immediately stopped fluffing her pillow. I gestured her to sit next to me which she did.
"I should have spoken about this with you already since we have been engaging in physical acts fully knowing that even with protection there are chances of a pregnancy. I...uh... I know you want a child since you mentioned it before marriage too. Please, please try to understand me, Anjali. I am not ready yet for a child. Please, look at me Anjali." She was staring in her lap and constantly fidgeting.
Few minutes passed by in silence but Anjali did not look at me. I knew I was hurting her but I wasn't rejecting the idea, was I? I wanted time and it was not just for me but for her as well. I was suddenly beginning to realize my insecurities were over the roof even for my ownself at this time.
"Everyone had said, a baby brings their parents closer but magazines and its several surveys say that most couples end up parting ways because of a baby loss. I would have laughed it out had I not gone through the same. I ..uh.. blamed myself for everything that happened."
