Relationship Status - It's complicated

Chapter 35 - Happy birthday, Husband!

Shivani

Riya was peacefully sleeping next to me in my bedroom. In all of my emotional and mental mess, I had ignored her most for almost all of the days since I had miscarried and now I felt like the most terrible mother on earth. My body couldn't provide a hostile environment for one while my outburst of emotions couldn't provide support to another who was right here beside me.

It was only when Anjali mentioned that Riya had heard our 'fight', I realized my little girl was affected as she had heard us arguing. Yes, we had a massive argument. I had been feeling extremely vulnerable since I found out that not only was I accidentally pregnant but I had actually miscarried too. 

Jai didn't want me to travel because my doctor had advised rest and specifically insisted on no travel. But, I wanted to be here. I needed my mother. I knew I would be able to be myself even with Dadi in the house. Perhaps, she would understand.  

Jai had no doubt been very supportive but I simply couldn't control my emotions. It was an accidental pregnancy but I would have kept the baby! We had decided long back that we were happy with having Riya as our only child but now, it was different - I would have loved and pampered our baby. I was sure Riya would have been overjoyed to become a big sister and she actually would have helped raise this baby with love and care. 

Riya had been at that stage a couple years back where she wanted a sibling even though she had cousins.

I couldn't explain any of this to my husband. I knew he loved me and had my best interest but I just had to come down to Mumbai. This is where I wanted to grieve, in my mothers home.

He eventually wanted me to stay there and was ready to even call his mother for support. I shared good loving relations with my mother in law. Infact, she had taken great care of me when I was carrying Riya and even after she was born. 

She was overjoyed when Riya was born as she had always wanted a daughter herself. She was well aware of everything that I would need as a first time mother and had pampered me every bit. She had also trained Jai to help me with Riya and to take care of me and my mood swings overall. 

I didn't want to talk to anyone about this though. I didn't want sympathies from my mother in law or to be cared for by her in that way. I loved her but I didn't want her to know, not just yet. I had warned Jai not to tell them anything. In return, we had a massive argument which I now feel Riya had heard. 

I knew I was being unreasonable but only I knew how I felt. Last night, we slept on two corners of the bed. I wanted him to understand but he simply slept on the other side of the bed. 

In the morning, he simply drove us to airport. Riya was half sleep sitting on the luggage trolley when Jai had finally spoken up, "Please inform someone over there so that you are taken care of. Talk to the doctor and take your medicines on time." 

I wasn't going to say anything to anyone because I didn't feel ready to talk about it. Jai meant well but I wasn't ready.

However, I had forgotten a few sanitary supplies for which I had to ask Anjali. I don't know how but I thought in the moment it was going to be easier to talk to her than to talk to Papa or Shiv. 

May be, because she was a woman or that she was still new to this home or that I simply found her vibes very positive. After all, she had not asked me a single question since I had l landed unannounced.

I had also requested her to please inform Shiv just incase I need anything because I simply didn't want to have that conversation with him and I didn't want to disrespect Jai by not listening to him.