Relationship Status - It's complicated

Chapter 14 - Do you think you can trust me?

Anjali

I cleaned up one more time hoping my smudged kajal doesn't give away before keying in the door. My mother was standing there with a spatula in her hand and I guessed she was cooking in the kitchen with her ears to the door.

"I heard your keychain.I will turn off the gas stove and be back." She rushed back to the kitchen and called out to Papa that I am back. I just told them that I had revealed everything to Shiv. I didn't want to talk to them today. All I wanted to do was cry it all out. I rushed to the bathroom adjacent to my bedroom and turned on the shower and started crying.

Mature Warning - the italicized content below is a scene from the past and is slightly mature.Read at your own risk.

"Manish, Am I undesirable?" I was pleading with my eyes filled with tears. I had chosen to wear a s*xy lavender color nighty. Manish had come back from his six month project work a couple of weeks ago. We had not consummated our marriage even after 7 months and it seems odd to me. Yes, I had found out he didn't want to marry me in the first place and I had questioned him about the same. His response was everything I had heard was completely untrue. I wasn't his first choice but he had said that he just needed time to make everything normal. When he saw me come out of the bathroom in a nighty, he started walking away from me to reach the door of our room.

"Manish, please talk to me. Is it me? Is it awkward for you? It is awkward for me too. But, we need to talk about this. Don't you think?"

He turned around and stared blankly at the wardrobe. "Anjali, please go and change. I told you, I need time. "

"Fine Manish, but we still need to talk. I don't know what kind of relationship we are in right now. You and I barely talk about anything. How is this helping you or me come close to each other?"

"Anjali, we both are busy right now which is why there is no time at all."

"We are married Manish. We need to spend time with each other willingly even if it means carving time out for each other. Arrange marriages are like this. We need to be with each other in order to understand each other and eventually come very close."

"Anjali, I really don't have time for this chit chat now." He almost turned the knob to open the door and step out of the room.

"It is me, right? You don't find me attractive. Right? Which is why you don't spend time with me and you don't even want this." I moved my fingers to and fro signaling him and me.

I was choking up badly.

"Just change, ok ?" He yelled those few words and headed out while I turn around and stood sobbing over the sink in the bathroom.

"Anjali, aap ko takleef ho rahi hain." I was jolted back to today as Shiv's calm and soothing voice rang in my ears. I quickly turned down the shower. Even though Shiv had been a gentleman, my mind didn't fail at bringing back the memories that I wish were long forgotten. Was Shiv really the one for me? He had managed to make me calm in the last meeting by not asking anything. Today, he had stopped me from going into the traumatic details.

I perched on my bed as I suddenly felt tired from all the events of today. Shiv probably understood that it was a traumatizing experience which is why he stopped me. He is definitely a good person who has been raised with good values. He deserves an absolute perfect second marriage. Was I capable of giving him that ? Was I ready to walk into marriage with Shiv whole heartedly and ready to give my everything to make it work?

I felt my eyes heavy with sleep and lay my head on the pillow. I dozed off that very instant.

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