Relationship Status - It's complicated

Chapter 10 - Should I meet him?

Anjali

I was still lying in the bed, I turned to see that clock striking 7AM and I thought I will wake up in 5 minutes. I had indeed slept for a long time. Blocking out thoughts and voices wasn't as difficult as before therapy. Sleep was necessary and after having spent countless sleepless nights, the therapy had suggested a solution which was perfect for me. Therefore, I had blocked out everything surrounding me and put my self in deep slumber. 

It was like I had a brain freeze when I had heard the word marriage. Dadi said something something after the word 're-marriage' that I was too frozen to remember but then she said it again "you both will make a very happy life with each other."  She had just put forward a proposal for Shiv. Shiv, who I hardly knew apart from the accidental encounters that had put me and Shiv in the same frame. My eyes filled up as images after images flashed infront of me -  images from the day my marriage preparations to Manish began to the day I had come to know Manish's big secret and then finally the day I had moved out of Manish's home. The images made me all nauseous and I had somehow managed to sit through the time until Shiv's family left.

Right after, I had thrown up to the point that I clutched my stomach as I could feel my menstrual cramps rise up as well. I thought I would die of panic and anxiety until I decided it was best to sleep off everything and only take care of it in morning which was now. My stomach growled loudly and I remembered that I didn't eat dinner last evening but food did not bother me. I knew Ma would make sure I shove some food down my throat. 

Repeatedly the thought of marriage made me want to puke while brushing my teeth. I wasn't ready for marriage. Nobody will understand why I am not ready. Manish's behavior and his tortures had me question my own self. I didn't know for a long time that it wasn't my fault that Manish would behave so distantly with me. I was constantly made to think that something was wrong with me which is why he would run away for holidays or vacation with his friends every chance he got. It was not only Manish but his mother who questioned me everytime Manish spent the night home - "What do you do that he wakes up all grumpy?" or "I am sure you don't listen to him in the bedroom" which had become her indirect taunt for all the years that we stayed married for want of a grand child. 

The previous evening had opened up episodes of my life which I wanted to forget. Shiv was not even on my mind as the thought of marriage to Shiv was alien to even think of. Bracing myself for the day, I showered and made my way to the living room. As was the routine, Ma and Papa were having breakfast of 'Gud Paratha'.(Jaggery paratha - it tastes yum).  Our breakfast was always very desi and had to be a little heavy today as I knew both my parents like me had skipped dinner. 

I joined in and we had a very filling breakfast with no chat about 'rishta'  which was a sweet relief. I never expected that to last long and it sure didn't as I saw Pooja and Aniket come in soon after noon time. I very well knew why they were here without kids. They had dropped off their kids at Pooja's maternal home which was in the same gated community with Lata Aunty and Ashok uncle. Pooja was here to talk to me. I was a bit surprised as Aniket was here as well but then Aniket and PApa shared a good bond over the years.  

Sure enough after all the greetings and formalities, Pooja dragged me into my bedroom and my mother followed us. 

"Hmm, look you know why I am here" She started

"Yes " I nodded in reply

"So are you ready to meet Shiv or do you need me into cajoling you to agree ?" 

"I am not marrying shiv and I don't want you to 'cajole' me as well , whatever that means to you."

"Listen, think back carefully to exactly how they spoke about this. Aunty informed me everything in a great detail. "