The Goblin's Heir

Chapter Seventy Six: Tilly

The roar of waves crashing against stone ebbed into silence at last and the hand clasping my own let me go.

I sat bolt upright in my bed breathing raggedly. Sunlight poured through my bedroom window that overlooked the London street outside the manor. Strands of golden hair stuck to my forehead with sweat and the novel I'd been reading had fallen to the ground.

Still catching my breath, I slipped off of my bed  and retrieved my book. As I righted myself, I caught my reflection in my vanity mirror. My long hair had partially come undone from its coronet braid. My new blush pink gown was crumpled and my face was deathly pale. My cheeks were flushed feverishly and my eyes were horribly red. Tears streaked down my face and new tears dripped from my lashes even as I looked at my reflection. I touched my face gingerly, remembering all too well my haggard appearance within the dream, my shorn hair, my missing eye, the scars and wrinkles that cut across my skin. I rushed across the room to look at myself more closely and searched my face for the scars that had riddled my body. That dream had left me feeling some foreign loss as if I had actually lived that life and had suffered through all that death.

I braced myself against the vanity, staring at myself, my labored breath fogging the mirror. It had all been a dream. Every hardship, every moment of happiness, every heartache. None of it had been real, but though I had suffered in that dream world, I had experienced great joy as well. Now, realizing that my husband and sons were not real, that I had never loved them, never held them, I missed them. I missed them as badly as if they were. 

The door to my bedroom gently opened and my younger brother, Joseph, peeked his head in. "Mother is looking for you." He began then, realizing what state I was in, he slipped inside and closed the door behind him. "What happened? Why are you crying?" He asked, rushing over to take my hands. Joseph was three years my junior and was a young man of fourteen now, which was hard to believe. He still possessed some of the cherub-like features from his earlier years. He was pretty like our mother, his head full of blond curls a few shades lighter than my own and he had bright blue eyes like hers, while the rest of our siblings and I possessed our father's dark brown. I was still envious of those eyes. He was growing into a handsome man and a very kind one. 

"I'm fine, Joseph. I dozed off and had an awful dream." I explained shrugging it off. I fetched an embroidered handkerchief and dried my face. "Has anyone arrived yet?"

"Roland and Rhys are here. We're still waiting for Jasper. He still has to pick up his friend."

"Good. I have time then. Does Mother need help in the kitchen?"

"Yes. That's why I came to fetch you."

"Hurry and help me with my hair." I pleaded, sinking down onto the bench seat of my vanity. He quickly set to work, helping me re-braid and pin my hair back up. I'd taught him a few more girlish skills for my own benefit. He'd saved me from a scolding more times than I could count. He didn't really like it per se as it got him teased by our brothers, but he rarely complained. Since I was the closest to him in age, the two of us were more friends than siblings.

His slender fingers made quick work of my hair and I spun around for him when he was done. "Do I look presentable?" I asked. "You sure I don't look like a drowned rat?" I raked my teeth over my lips to bring some color to them. 

"Yes, you look fine, Tilly." He assured, "but are you really going to persue one of Jasper's friends?"

"Why wouldn't I? I hear he's handsome, smart and he's serving with the queen's navy. Not to mention his family is well off. One could do worse in finding a husband."

"Why do you have to get married at all?" Joseph sat on the corner of my bed, his whole body crumpling in sadness. "If you get married you'll have to leave the house, won't you?"