Chapter 39: "I Won't Let You Go" - James Morrison

2 0 0
                                        

Lyrics:

When it's black
Take a little time to hold yourself
Take a little time to feel around before it's gone
You won't let go but still keep on falling down
Remember how you save me now from all of my wrongs
Yeah



If it's love just feel it
And if this life will see it
This is no time to be alone, alone yeah
I WON'T LET YOU GO


Say those words
Say those words like there's nothing else
Close your eyes and you might believe
That there is some way out


Open up
Open up your heart to me now
Let it all come pouring out
There's nothing I can't take



If it's love just feel it
And if this life will see it
This is no time to be alone, alone yeah
I WON'T LET YOU GO
(WON'T LET YOU GO)
(WON'T LET YOU GO)


If your sky is falling
Just take my hand and hold it
You don't have to be alone, alone yeah
I WON'T LET YOU GO
(WON'T LET YOU GO)
(WON'T LET YOU GO)



And if you feel the fading of the light
And you're too weak to carry on the fight
And all your friends that you care for have disappeared
I'll be here not gone, forever holding on



If it's love just feel it
And if this life will see it
This is no time to be alone, alone yeah
I WON'T LET YOU GO
(WON'T LET YOU GO)
(WON'T LET YOU GO)


If your sky is falling
Just take my hand and hold it
You don't have to be alone, alone yeah
I WON'T LET YOU GO
(WON'T LET YOU GO)
(WON'T LET YOU GO)
I WON'T LET YOU GO
I won't let
I WON'T LET YOU GO
No, I won't let
I WON'T LET YOU GO
I WON'T LET YOU GO



**********



       It was morning, my alarm to get up went off screaming, and I felt like crying. It wasn't at all like the mistake crying that I've done before, it was a cry for what I'm going to be losing in the hours to come. I had to leave in a few hours, so there was no turning back now. Charlie and Ellis would be waiting at the JFK airport for when my flight landed, so I had to be there. I couldn't stay, even how bad I wanted to. This distance is something that has already been decided, it was for the good of Jax and I.
       I turned off my alarm clock, then rolled over to see that Jax was already awake. No smiles crossed either of our faces as we looked at each other. This wanted a happy moment, so we weren't going to pretend like it was. Jax began to run his fingers through my hair because it seemed to be the only thing he could think of to do, instead of just laying there looking at me in the silence. I didn't want to look at his face either, so I buried myself into him. I felt him wrap his arm tight around me like he never wanted to let me go; I didn't want too either.
       I heard myself begin to quietly start to sob in Jax's arms. Jax just tightened his arms around me, and let me cry. Since he had his shirt off, I felt like I was staining his skin with my tears, so I unburied my head, and looked at him finally. Jax and I were just wasting time as we laid there together. Neither of us wanted to be the first to move, but I had to get a move on. I had clothes for today laid out, so I slowly began to change into them.
       I noticed that Jax was still laying on the bed as he watched me get dressed. It was like he was savoring every last moment he could glance and admire me. I savored the look in his eyes as he watched me, it made me feel like I was wanted. It gave me the desire to start kissing him with every ounce of passion that I had left in my body, but I knew that would be the wrong thing to do.


       After I was dressed, I told Jax that I was going out for a cigarette. I mostly wanted to distract myself from wanting to waste anymore time, or have physical contact with Jax.
When I stepped outside, I lit my cigarette, and watched the smoke roll out of my mouth slowly, and dramatically. The gentle breeze of California began to blow past me, I closed my eyes, and felt it go through my hair. I wished that the wind could take me with it, so I didn't have to stand here feeling like my eyes were burning with tears in them.
       As I ashed out my cigarette, and threw the bud off into the distance, I told myself that I'm going to quit. Just like I told myself I'm going to quit a lot of things in my life.


       Right in the middle of my thoughts, Jax walked out of my room, and over to me like a silent prince charming, and slipped his hand into mine. It felt so right, and so natural with the way that it fit. Right then, I knew that he was the one thing I could never quit. There was no possible way that I could try to quit him, or let him go.
      I couldn't bring myself to look at him, so he did that for me. Jax placed his hands on my hips, and turned me toward him, sending a million sudden shivers up my spine. Now we stood chest to chest, hand in hand, with our heads gently pressed against the others.
I was afraid that he could feel my heart beating to the rhythm of his. 'I won't let you go,' Jax said ever so faintly, like it was a dream that I made up in my head. I almost couldn't care to hear him say another word. As I felt a single salty tear begin to stroll down my face, I told myself to do it before I broke down like a crumbling fool.
       I leaned my head up, lifted my heels off the ground, so I could give him a final kiss. When our lips released, I could still feel the kiss lingering between us, as both our hearts began to break, and we were calling out the others' names.


       I couldn't let myself stay there any longer because it was too painful, so I picked up my bags, and walked down the porch steps. I went to the driveway, where Momma Jones was already waiting to drive me to the airport. I threw my bags into the trunk, then turned to Papa Jones and Nolan waving goodbye to me, at the front door.
       Before I got into the front seat of Momma Jones' car, and drove away for possibly forever, I took one last look back at the man who may be the greatest love of my life. 'I won't let you go,' I whispered back to Jax, knowing he would get the message.
       For the first time since I've known him, I saw Jax begin to cry. It hurt me to know that I'm the cause of those tears.


       I told myself to stop stalling, and get in the car already. As the car rolled out of the driveway and onto the street, I knew no matter what I will never let go of this moment. I will never let go of the family that I never knew I could have. I will never let go of the mistakes that I've made, because they made me who I am today.
       I don't know what the future had in store for me, but as for now I knew that this isn't the right time for Jax and I. Someday it will be, I will never give up hope, or let him go. For now, it's time for me to write my own story.

Romie Adler's Musical GuideWhere stories live. Discover now