SERENDIPITY; DRACO MALFOY

Chapter 38

"I love you." I whispered.

Those three words that altered my life, three words that change everything, three small words that hold so much meaning.

It was an unforgettable day. The day when he told me he loved me.

Three words that can bring mountains down, three words that I thought I'd never tire of hearing, three words that start knew things.

Three words that can break your heart.

He tightened his grip around me, which startled me a tad.

I didn't think he was awake, but he was.

That's one way to make a memory, "I love you too" Xander said.

I was in love with Xander.

Once a upon a fucking long time ago he was my love. But that shit is over. Long over.

I feel violated by every flashback.

Love is a poem of deceits, lies, thievery and a bunch of unneeded unnecessary drama. But it's one of a kind, magical rare. You can love people in different ways.

I love Draco, it's weird to say in my brain.

But I don't love him in the way I ever loved Xander.

I love him deeper than the surface, we have this connection. not a love at first sight sort of one but rather an unconventional one.

Everything my heart tells me messes with my brain, I can tell right from wrong but when I'm with him reality shifts. I let myself get lost with him, something so dangerous. I let myself be vulnerable with him, something I usually wouldn't dare.

But I also let myself get hurt by him.

I refuse to let that continue and it's precisely why I can't tell Draco I love him back. At least not in words, not here, not now, not out loud.

I've answered him in my mind already, in my mind we are kissing once more, in my mind I have no consequences to my actions.

I can't think of anything else, I try to block out what Draco said but as much as I try I can't.

Would I really rather think of Xander than face the harsh reality that I have to break this mans heart.

I want to tell him I love him too.

But I can't.

I can't put my heart out on the line, not when I know it will only end in pain.

I can't allow myself to feel but it's too tough to say goodbye.

I have no choice, my options are limited.

Tell him I love him, have Xander spill my secret and lose him forever when I've just let myself love again. Or run away, play pretend with Xander till I can guarantee I'm safe from his threats, but possibly lose Draco in the process.

He can't punch Xander or then the secret will come out but I need to break it off with him. I don't know what to do. The obvious idea seems to just tell him that Xander has something hanging over my head but then once again he'd hurt Xander and I can't tell him the secret. I can't tell him the details, so he won't trust me. Ugh. What can I do.

I really don't want to but, I need to make him think I don't love him in order to save myself from losing him as quickly.

There is no option in which I don't lose Draco somehow, but I can chose how quickly I lose him, and I will take the option of losing him as slow as possible. Maybe if it's slow enough I may not lose him. If I do what Xander says then will he forgive me eventually?