It's been a long time

Chapter 13

Lexies Pov:

I get home around 7:00 to ask Mark and Maddie if we can take care of Hailey. I was nervous to ask them especially Maddie I didn't want her to feel like she's being replaced. I open the door to the house and go in to smell something burning so I walk into the kitchen to see Maddie and Mark laughing. "Hey" I say looking at them with a smile. "Hi mom" Madeline says. "Hey Lex" Mark says giving me a kiss. "What happened something doesn't smell right" I say. "So Maddie let the cookies burn in the oven" Mark said still laughing and looking at the black cookies. "Ok in my defense you forgot to put the timer on so it's not completly my fault" Madeline said. "Well you have fun with that I'm gonna go take a shower" I say leaving and going to my room.

Madelines Pov:

I was trying to take the cookies off the pan but they weren't coming off. "Fuck" I yell because I got burnt by the pan. "Language" Mark said looking at me. "Sorry I got burnt" I explained. "Oh let me see" Mark said looking at my hand. "I'm fine don't worry about it" I said. "Ok miss I'm fine let me put some cream on that" Mark said being the plastic surgeon he is and I rolled my eyes. He got some cream and put it on my hand. "Ok sit down before you burn something else" Mark said laughing. "Shut up" I said. We talked and laughed then I had to go shower so I went up to my room while Mark made dinner.

Dinner time

I went downstairs to see dinner ready and set on the table with Dad and Mom sitting down already. We were in the middle of eating when Mom spoke up. "Ok I need to ask both of you something" both of us nodded. "So there is this little girl at the hospital her name is Hailey and she came in the hospital about 2 days ago with some injuries from her abusive parents we believe and they are going to put her in the foster care system which I think we all know isn't the best so I wanted to know if we can I don't know maybe adopt her-" Mom was cut off by Dad choking on his water and me laughing. "You good there" I  asked giggling while taking a bite out of my bread. When Dad was done choking Mom asked "So what do you guys think" Me and Dad looked at each other. "Um yeah sure wait we're talking abou the little girl that came alone right" Dad asked. "Yeah that's her" Mom said then they both looked at me. "Maddie" Mom asked me while I was zoned out and didn't know what to say I didn't think they were being serious. "Uh... sure" I said but I wasm't sure if I wanted someone else in the house but mom looked happy so I just said yes. "Can I go" I asked. "You barely ate anything" Dad said. "I'm full" I lied they both knew I was lying but Dad just nodded.

I go upstairs to my room a million things are going through my head. They just want to replace you. You aren't enough. You will never be enough. They never wanted a daughter like you that's why they want to adopt someone. Tears were going down my cheeks and I was shaking really bad. I'm pretty sure I'm having a panic attack, I hate these. I try to focus on my breathing but I can't. Then there is a knock on my door "Mads can I come in" I can tell it was my dad of course he has to come at the worst time. I couldn't manage to say anything which I think got him worried. "Mads answer me please" He said nothing came out of my mouth though. "Madeline Grace Grey Sloan don't ignore me" He said again but I was shaking and crying really bad and I couldn't do anything. "I'm coming in" He says coming in to see me shaking and crying. Dad runs over to me and gives me hug "It's ok..... It's gonna be ok. What happened" He asked. "Mom.... please" I was able to say barely understandable but somehow he understood. "LEXIE" I hear him yell and she comes in, in what feels like 5 seconds. When she saw me she knew what was happening and came over to me to calm me down. "Breathe in....... Breathe out" I do as told until my breathing is normal and I'm calmed down. "I love you Maddie" Mom said giving me a hug. "I love you too" I said back Dad was standing there confused. "So um what happened" Dad asked while I looked over at Mom. "I um- I have anxiety. I've had it since I was like 9 and what you just witnessed was a panic attack." "Oh how did I not know about this" Dad asked mostly mom. "I didn't want you to know" I spoke up. "Why not" Dad asked. "I didn't want you to deal with another one if my problems" I said truthfully. "Mads how much times do I have to tell you when I signed up to be your dad I signed up to always be there for you, to help you, to make you smile, and to annoy you. You're my daughter and whether you like it or not I'm always going to be here" Dad said and I gave him a hug.

After the hug mom sat on my bed and I knew she was going to start asking questions. "Maddie are the panic attacks happening a lot" Mom asked, took me a while to respond. "No this is my first one in a while" I say answering her question. "So was this about Hailey. It's ok if you don't want us to adopt her" Mom said but I couldn't just say no because she looked happy and I can't ruin that for her. "No I do. I don't know why I had a panic attack it just happened" I lied, I don't like lying to my mom but I had to for everything she has done for me. "Are you sure? I can schedule an appointment with the therapist again" Mom said in a kind voice. "No it's ok. I'm ok." I lied once again. "Ok so I'm going to talk with your dad and you should get some sleep." Mom said with a smile and a smiled back. "I will, good night" I said as mom and dad gave me a hug and said good night.

It had been an hour since mom and dad went to sleep and I was alone in my room. The voices in my head were telling me to cut and I was trying to resist the urge but, it was like I was fighting with a ghost.

Just cut it's not like anyone cares about you anymore. No I can't I'll disappoint my mom and dad and Nick. They don't care. You are and will always be a disappointment. I'm getting better I'm ok. Liar no one likes liars just cut or attempt to kill yourself again they don't want you here no one does.

With that I had it I went over to her desk and got my blade. I pressed the cold sharp object against my skin and slid it, it hurt but in a good way I liked the blood. I did it a few more times and then put the blade away. Good you deserved that you don't deserve happiness you deserve pain. I went to bed and cried till I fell asleep.

A/N- So I hope you guys liked this chapter do you think she will get help or will someone notice that she is cutting again anyways love you guys so much!!! and if youre are going through any of this go reach out to someone. Hearts <3333!

Updated A/N: Hey guys!!! I'm back my mental health hasn't been the best lately and I had no motivation to update but I'm back and will try to update more often. 💋💋💋