How Everyone Died

Once upon a time there was a girl named Josephine Ginny Jimmy Giggle James. Her mum was Hermione Granger and her dad was Theo James. She also had a younger brother named Roger Tiger Gineverbra Hermonobrow James.

One day Hermione was driving down Diagon Alley and murdered a lot of people because you're not meant to drive cars in Diagon Alley. The wizard police came after Hermione and they said she had to have a Dementors Kiss. So now Josephine and Roger had no mum.

The next day, Theo was riding on his broom stick when he crossed Professor Snape. Professor Snape was angry because Theo was so good looking. Then he pushed Theo off a cliff. But he didn't die because he was riding a broom stick. But Snape jumped on Theo's broomstick and started licking his face so he fell off and drowned. Hermione would of been very angry with Theo because she always told Theo not to drown, but she was dead too.

Now Josephine and Roger had no mum or dad. So they cried because they had no parents and had to be orphans. Roger cried so much that his room flooded, unfortunately he escaped through his window. But he flooded the street. So he sat i the roof. But then he fell off the roof and drowned.

Josephine was now happy because she didn't have a brother. But she was also sad because her super awesome parents died. Then she started crying. Luckily her tears went down the drain so she didn't drown.

But all her tears attracted the alligators in the sewers. They came up the drain and tried to eat Josephine. But she got on her broom stick and drove to Ginny's house. The door was locked so Josephine had to break the window. But Ginny wasn't home so the alligators destroyed Ginny's house.

Then Josephine decided to go to Tobias Eaton's house. A guy who looked strange,y like Theo James. But Theo was dead. Josephine came in through the chimney. She cried because she had no beard so people Tobias could mistake her for Santa Claus.

Tobias was sitting on the couch, eating soggy weetbix. Josephine slapped the soggy weetbix out of Tobias' hands because you should never eat soggy weetbix. But Josephine hit too hard and she made a hole in the couch, forcing a spring to pop out. The spring blasted Tobias through the roof and he was never seen again.

That's why you never eat soggy weetbix.

Tris, Tobias' wife, walked in. She was sad because Tobias was being rude and eating soggy weetbix and that he made a hole in the roof. Then Tris noticed the hole in the couch and charged at Josephine. Josephine made a majestic dive and used the spring to do a triple backflip through the hole in the roof and landed ungracefully on the roof.

Then she climbed up a tree and threw a squirrel at Tris. Tris died (NO SPOILERS HERE oops READ ALLEGIANT) from an infected squirrel bite.

Josephine sat in the tree and smiled because she liked killing everyone. And then she decided on her life career. A murderer.