This is who I am (FtM)

Saturday, April 17th

Just wanted to say that I know I don't write well and I'm not really trying so there are going to be a lot of mistakes so sorry in advance.

Hey, I decided to write something because it makes some of my stress go away, but anyways I'm having really bad dysphoria right now I don't even know why it just randomly hit me out of nowhere.

I keep digging my nails into my hand because the stress is making my anxiety go bad and I don't know what to do.

I also had a panic attack today at the store because there was too many people and my parents left me alone in the store, I don't like being myself in public places because I feel like everyone is just staring at me.

I also really just wanted to go into the boys restroom today at the store but I was too scared to be judged and I know I shouldn't, but I feel like people are just going to stare at me and I couldn't handle the judgment.

Talking to people scares me, especially people I don't know that's why I don't have many friends I have really only like 4 true friends. It's okay though because having only a few friends is good because it's better than having a lot of friends but them all being fake then only have a few and them being real.

Back to the dysphoria issue though, I hate having to look at myself in a mirror and only see a girl looking back at me I just want to look like a boy instead of having a girls body it makes me so uncomfortable and I hate having to use my dead name at home and she/her pronouns and yes I did come out to my parents but they don't use my name or my pronouns.

Anyways that's all I'm writing today and I know I don't update a lot but that's because I have school to worry about because I'm failing pretty much all of my classes right now.

I'm also going to share that I got one of those hematite rings today and I'm excited about it. Bye now 👋

Have a great day ~ Jaiy ❤️