A New Life

Chapter 16

I hear voices coming from downstairs. Two male voices. I couldn't make out who they were or what they were saying. It sounded like they were getting closer. Oh god please no! Please go away! Please don't hurt me again. The footsteps get louder, heavier. I get out of bed and run the the bathroom hiding behind my shower curtain, I sit down trying to block the sound of the two men coming towards me. Please, please, leave me alone. I don't want this. Please! I tuck my face into my arms, hopefully blocking a blow when it came to it. I hear the shower curtain get pulled back.

"Katy!" the voice says... In shock.
"Katy, you're okay, no one's going to hurt you, I promise" I can't stop shaking, tears running down my face, I look up to see Ricky right there. "What's happened? You're trembling. Why are you in here?" he asks, his voice laced with concern and worry. "I-I.. I'm sorry, I thought you were..." I say trying to take a breathe, calm myself down. "I need to go downstairs. I'm so sorry Ricky..." I try to get myself up, I just can't, I used all my energy trying to get away. He helps me up and out of the bath.

I see Chris standing by the door watching everything. His face seems emotionless. I walk past him, avoiding eye contact. This is so embarrassing. I need a drink.
Ricky helps me get downstairs. Once we were down I went to the kitchen opened my bottle of painkillers and the bottle of vodka. "No." a stern voice comes over, his big hands take the bottle out of my hands before I can pour it. "No, you can't keep doing this Katy, you are killing yourself." the voice getting angrier. "Chris" I hear Ricky calmly say. "No fuck that, look at her! What in the fuck happened to her in the time that we were gone, for her to end up like this?! Popping fucking pills by the hour, downing them with alcohol, look at all the bottles she's gone through. My guess is she hasn't been eating either. She's sick Rick. This isn't healthy. What happened Katy? You need to tell us, so we can help you get better." he says moving closer to me. I step back. I feel everything I've been trying to keep down rise up. The anger, the frustration, the feeling of pure disgust when I think about myself, when I look at myself. "You can't. Like you said... I'm sick. Look at me. I'm disgusting. I'm gross, I broken and I hate this, I hate myself and I hate him-" fuck. "Him? Him who?" Ricky interrupts. "Him who Katy?" he repeats. I just shake my head. "No one. It's okay. Just leave it alone." I say quietly. I fucked up. "No please tell us. Please we can't keep going in circles like this." Ricky says getting closer to me. "I can't! I can't tell you! It's not that easy!" I say pushing past the two of them. "Yes Katy it is that easy, you can tell us anything." Chris says following me. "No I can't! Because if I do... You'll never think of me the same." I can feel myself getting overwhelmed again. Lightheaded. Shit.

I sit down at the table. "Katy please talk to me. You're one of my best friends. I hate seeing you like this. What's happened to fuck you up so badly?" Ricky sits down next to me taking my hands. "If I tell you, can you promise not to tell Chris?" I whisper to him. I feel him look back over at Chris. "Okay Katy. Hey Chris? We're just gonna chat okay? Wanna get some food?" he calls over to Chris. He must have just accepted it, because I heard him leave. "I just, I really don't want him to know. He'll hate me for it, it's embarrassing and I don't want him thinking bad of me. I know I've already fucked everything up. I just, please. He can't know." I say pleading Ricky. "He can't know what Katy?" he asks gripping my hands a little firmer.
"A few weeks ago, I was walking home, It was late. I don't know what fully happened, but they said.. They said I was raped." I say, taking a breath before the tears come flooding back. I hear him take a breath, "Who said that?".
"The doctor I went and saw. We took a kit test. It came back positive... I'm so sorry. I'm disgusting I know.." I look down ashamed of myself. "Katy please please don't be sorry and don't even think that you're disgusting. It's not you're goddamn fault okay? Please don't think that!" he says pulling me into a hug. It felt so nice to be in his embrace. I just let every single emotion come out. I honestly never thought I could cry this much.

After about half an hour, Chris came in, I gave Ricky a look saying please don't tell him. He just nodded solemnly. "Everything okay? I got you a burger with fries and Katy, I got you some pizza. Is that okay?" I just nodded. He set all the food out on the table. We ate in silence.
"How are you feeling Katy?" Chris breaks the silence. "I'm okay." I say not looking up at him. "That's good." I can feel both him and a Ricky exchanging looks. "Look, you guys don't have to stay with me, I'm okay. Go and get some rest from the tour. Don't worry about me." I say trying to get them to leave. I just want to be alone.