A New Life

Chapter 18

Katy POV:

A few weeks have passed, I've gotten control over my drinking and the pills. Ricky's been helping me with all of that. We went to the doctors and they've given me a meal plan to help me get back to a healthy weight. I was offered a counsellor but I feel more comfortable just talking with Ricky.
Chris has been distant.
I miss him so much. I haven't heard too much from him. It's all my fault. I wish I could tell him I just. I don't want him to think bad of me.
I know it wasn't my fault, but that doesn't stop me from feeling disgusting. I don't want him thinking that too.
But I do miss him... Maybe I should try talking to him?

Me: Hey, I know it's been weird lately. I'm sorry.
Chris: I get it. You've got stuff going on.
Me: I miss you.
Chris: I miss you too Katy.
Me: Do you think maybe we could hangout?
Chris: I'm a little busy atm. Raincheck?

I felt my heart drop. He hates me.

Me: Oh yeah sure. Sorry.
Chris: Don't be. I'll text you soon okay?

Like I said. Distant.
Ive been back at work the last couple of days. It feels good to be back. Ricky comes just after 4 to pick me up, and we hang out for a little bit, chat about things. He's said he's worried about Chris. He's been really distant, not really talking too much, just spends his days either writing or recording stuff. He thinks maybe I should let him in a little more.

Me: Can you come over tonight?
Chris: Uh, are you sure?
Me: Yeah, we have a couple things to talk about.
Chris: Oh okay, what time?
Me: how about 6? We can get pizza?
Chris: Sounds great. I'll see you then.

I take a deep breath in. I can do this. If he hates me, he hates me. It can't be any worse than it is now right?
Please God. Give me the strength.

6pm rolls around pretty fast. I hear a knock on the door. "Coming" I call out coming downstairs. I open the door and there stands Chris. For the first time in a very long time, we make eye contact, he just smiles. He offers me a couple roses and steps inside. Maybe this won't be so bad.
We ordered our pizza and make awkward small talk until its here. His vegetarian, mine chicken and cranberry. We settle down at the table. Both of us have water.
He's nearly finished his by the time it's taken me to eat 2 pieces...
"So uh... I guess we need to talk..." I say starting up the conversation that's going to make or break our relationship. He just nods. "First of all I want to apologise for the states of myself you came home to. Its embarrassing and I wish you never saw that. Its been a real struggle trying to get back to normal. Trying to.. Forget... It happened about 2 weeks after you guys left for tour I decided I wouldnt be able to walk home for too much longer as it was getting really cold. So I walked home one more night before I'd start looking for a car. I finished work late and I was about 5 minutes from home when I noticed someone was walking behind me. I don't remember too much else, until I woke up the next morning on the ground. My shirt was ripped up, and my... Uh.. My jeans were half off. My whole body was aching, It hurt to breath, to sit, to walk. That's when I called you. You were my first thought. I want to talk to you. But you were gone, you couldn't do anything. I didn't want to worry you. I managed to get home. I showered and went to bed. The next day I went to the doctors, they examined my body, I had bruises all over, I was lucky to not have been concussed. I did a test, and a few hours later I got a call saying that I had been... Uh, I had been..." I felt myself starting to tear up again. "They said I was raped." I let the tears spill over. I couldn't look at him. I heard him move over by me and he pulled me into his embrace. He said nothing. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry Chris." he just shhh'd me and held me for what felt like hours.

After I was able to calm myself down he pulled away and lifted my face up to look at his. "I am so sorry you have had to go through this alone. I'm so sorry for what that bastard has done to you. You have absolutely no reason to ever be sorry for what happened. I'm so glad you told me Katy, that you felt like you could tell me. You are so beautiful and so strong to have gone through this. I cannot even imagine what it's been like for you. Just know that I will always be here for you."