A New Life

Chapter 29

I'm going to be a mummy.

I don't know what to do now. My emotions are all over the place right now.
I jump in the car and find myself driving back to the baby store. I walk in and my stomach flips. The baby knows.
I look around at all the little things. I walk around for about 10 minutes and then my eyes fall upon a small bodysuit. It was black and it had white writing on the front, it says:
Born To Rock.
The next thing I know I'm taking it off the rack and putting it in my basket. I look around a little more and find some baby converse, a little denim jacket and some black lightning leggings. Before I get carried away I take them up to the counter and pay.
The lady puts all the little things in a bag and hands them to me.

I get back in the car. I sit there for a little bit. Just thinking. Not really about anything. I guess not even really thinking. I touch my stomach. There's nothing there to show yet, but I do it anyway. I head home.

Bzzz.

Ricky: Hey Chris said you finally went to the doctors. How'd it go?
Do I tell him? Na it's too early.
Me: It was good, just a virus. No biggie.
Ricky: Well that's good, they give you some medication?
Me: Na I chose not to. You know how I get with prescribed meds.
Ricky: That's true. Well we'll be home soon, so you better start feeling better. We got shit to do.

Ha... Yeah...

Me: Like what?
Ricky: Uhhh, Christmas?
Me: Oh yeah right, it's come around fast! My first Christmas in America. It feels weird. I'm finally going to have a white Christmas...
Ricky: That's right! It's summer in NZ right?
Me: Sure is!

I totally forgot about Christmas! I honestly don't know how I missed the decorations in the mall. I guess since they've been up for a while it just didn't feel any different.
I'll go Christmas shopping in the morning.
I've got a whooooole lot of shopping to do.
The boys, my parents, my sister and brother in law, my niece and my new nephew, I've got Logan, Jake, Danielle and Crystal, then I've got Chris... Damn.

I get home and put the little things away in my wardrobe. My home has three bedrooms. My room, my sewing room and what used to be the spare room is now Chris' office. I sit on the ground in the hall looking at all three rooms.
I can't change our room, it would be unfair to change Chris' office... I guess I can turn my sewing room into the nursery? Yeah, I can do that. There's a spare office room at work, I'll take my stuff there and set it up. That way, it's there for me, but also if Danielle wants anything, it's there for her too.
My heart skips a beat when I think of turning the room into a nursery. I can't stop smiling.
I sit there for a while just thinking of all the things I could do to it.

----------------------------------------------------

I wake up, the overwhelming need to throw up takes over. I get up, run to the bathroom and we'll you know. After a few minutes of nothing else coming out, I get up, brush my teeth and head back to bed. I check the time.
4:30am. Great. Thanks baby.
I try to get some more sleep but I can't.
All of a sudden I'm thinking of Chris. Not just Chris. I mean Chris and the news. It scares me. The text he sent through, "Better than anything else right?" surely the only thing he meant by that would be having a baby... Right?
He's going to hate me for this. He doesn't want this. Why would he? He's a successful musician. He has a life. He has a career. I'm going to ruin that for him.

I try to scroll through my social media feeds. Trying to distract myself. But all I see are Motionless In White stuff. Look at him standing on stage, living his best life. Look at all those fans cheering him on. He looks so goddamn happy.

"4am thoughts:
Don't you just wish you knew what would happen in the future, so you could change it?" I post in my story.

I get an instant message from Ash, my sister.

Ash: What's up buttercup? Xo
Me: Oh nothing, I'm just over thinking everything.. Nothing too serious x
Ash: Are you sure? Xo
Me: Yeah! How are you guys? X
Ash: We're great! This pregnancy has been a bloody breeze! Nearly there! Xo
Me: Ohh so exciting!! I'm so happy for you!! I can't wait to meet the little dude! X

By the time he's born, I won't be able to fly. Oh god. I won't be able to meet him until I have mine. Oh my god. I won't have anyone with me when I have this baby. My mum... My sister.. The two people I always pictured having with me. I can't do this without them! I'm alone in this. How could I be so stupid?

Somehow I fall back asleep. I don't know how but I did. I woke up to a call. "Hello?" I picked up before I even saw who it was. "Katy, oh my god. Are you okay? Why haven't you answered any of our messages?" it's Ricky. I look at my phone. Oh geez... All the guys texted at least twice, Ricky and Chris about 5 times each... Shit. It's 12:38pm.
"Oh sorry, I've been asleep. Late night I guess." I say yawning. "Still sick?", "Sure am. I don't think it's gonna go away for a while either". I slightly chuckle to myself. "Oh don't be like that, I'm sure it'll be gone by the time we get home." I roll my eyes, he has no idea.. "So what's up with the story post?" he asks, all serious. "Honestly it was nothing. Late night thoughts get to you, ya know? I'm going to take it down." I lie. Well not overly. It's half true. "Hmm, well you gotta explain that to Chris, he's really worried." he says. "Yeah I bet. All is good." I lie again.
We chat a little while longer about how things are going for them.

Time to go Christmas shopping.