A New Life

The final chapter

I take a seat.
"So I know you're being asked to go back out on tour-" I start, "I'm not going back, not yet..." he interrupts. "Can I please finish? I think you need to... it's your job, it's the guys job. You have crew and people relying on these shows... fans that need you. You need to go. I've talked to Mum, and we both think it's be best for the both of us, if I go and finish my treatments and stay in New Zealand for a little bit. That way, you don't have to worry about me being alone, you can go and do what you fucking love..." I finish.
"No, you can't leave me. I just got you back..." Chris argues. "I'm not leaving for good... It's just for a little bit. We'll still call, message and everything.. it'll be like we're both on tour... it's okay..." I feel my tears building up. "But I just got you back..." he says hugging me. "And I'm still here. But you need to be doing what you love. I need to be with my family. It's okay. It's for the best..."

We talk for a while about it. He finally agrees that I should go. We tell mum I'll be going with her, we call the airport and exchange my ticket he got me for Christmas.
He helps me pack my stuff. Three suitcases later, I'm all done. The three of us decide to go out for dinner. We go back to the bar where we first met. We tell mum all about it, we talk about all the good things that have happened.
Honestly, I'm feeling really good about this.
It's going to be okay.

Mum decided it time for her to get some sleep. So we took her home. Which is perfect because we needed some time by ourselves.
We drove to the cemetery, I needed to say goodbye to my baby. It'll be the first time I've gone since... since the hospital.
It was dark and somewhat cold. Chris gave me his jacket and we sat down beside her.
Chris held me in his arms and we both sat there quietly for a little while.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" He whispers breaking the silence.
"I'm sure. We need me to." I say feeling the tears building. God I'm so over crying!
"New Zealand's very far away.." he says in the same tone.
"I know, it's what needs to be done right now. We'll be okay." I try to comfort him.
"Will we? We're meant to be getting married.." I hear his voice hitch a little.
"And we will. Please just trust me." I say kissing his cheek.
"I'm going to miss you so fucking much." He kisses my lips softly.
"Me too Chris."

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It's 5:30am, we just checked in at the airport, our flights at 10:30am. Mums starting to get nervous already. Nervous flyers are so much fun to be with. I was just calming her down when I saw 4 guys dressed in black waiting by the departures terminal. I felt my heart drop. I ran over to them. "You didn't seriously think you could leave without saying goodbye to us, did you?" Ryan says giving me one of the biggest hugs he's ever given. "I'm so sorry! Everything just happened so fast!" I explain. "So you're really going?" I Ricky says pulling me into a hug. "I'm really going Ricky." I give him a squeeze. "It's only temporary. Just so we can all start to get our lives back. Thank you guys all so much for everything you've done for me. Ricky, thank you for coming into the cafe that night. Everything good that has happened, has happened because of you. I love you." I feel my tears building. Oh god. "I'm going to miss you all so much! I expect messages and photos and the odd call okay?" I say looking at them all. Chris just holds me from behind, not saying a word.

We said our final goodbyes, Ricky was the saddest I've ever seen him. I know what I'm doing is the right thing, for all of us. But why does it feel so wrong?
"I love you so goddamn fucking much." Chris says kissing me. "I love you too baby." Feeling the tears finally fall. "I don't want you to go..." he looks at me with, his eyes going red. "I have to Chris, you know I have to.." holding his face. "You're the love of my life Katy..." he whispers. "And you're mine." I kiss him. "You look after our little girl okay? You tell her that mummy loves her so much." He nods. "I love you Chris. Please don't ever forget that." My heart feels so broken saying all of this. Not knowing when I'll be back. I don't want to leave him. I don't want to leave everything I have here.

I say my last goodbyes to the guys.
Chris and I kiss one final goodbye.
Then Mum and I walk through the terminal doors. I look back for one last look. Chris is crying, watching me leave.
The guys walk over to him, putting their hands and arms over him. Comforting him.
Fuck.