A New Life

Chapter 45

I walk into our room and see Vinny. Immediately I feel angry, sad and confused all at the same time. "What the fuck are you doing in here?" I say not even sure what tone I was speaking in. "We knew it would be hard for you to do this, so we thought-" Ricky says coming out of the bathroom. "So you thought what? You'd come in here, tidy up, clean her blood off the floors, wipe away what happened in here?" I say again, unsure of the tone I'm expressing. They both stopped. "We're sorry, we just wanted to help..." Vinny says standing up from the spot he was in on the ground. "Look Chris, we just wanted to do something for you. It's not an easy job especially for you to do. You shouldn't have to. You need to focus on yourself and her. The rest of us are taking care of everything." Ricky says walking over to me. I just nod, feeling tears coming up again. Fucking hell.

I grabbed some new clothes and went to the other bathroom to get ready in. I must have stood in the shower for a while because I feel the water starting to get cold. I get out, get changed and look at the time. Ten minutes until I can go in to see her. "You guys still here?" I call out. "Yeah we're in the living room" Vinny replies. I walk out and it looks like the both of them were upset. "You okay?" I ask putting my boots on. "Yeah, like I said before, it's a hard job..." Ricky says quietly. I give him a look to let him know 1. I was actually grateful for them doing it and 2. That I understand. "Thank you guys..." I reply back quietly. "I uh, I have to go up and see her, you guys are more than welcome to stay, there's food and drinks and everything else." I say grabbing my keys. They just nod. "Call us if you need to." Rick says as I open the door.

It's a short drive to the hospital, but a long walk to her room. Not long as in distance, long as in emotionally.
I walk in, a nurse is there checking the machines she's connected to. "How is she?" I ask her kissing my loves forehead. "She's doing okay." Is all she said before leaving. I guess it's too early for any new information... I take a seat next to her and hold her hand. God I love her so much.
The nurse comes in every so often checking on her, she doesn't say too much though. The rest of the hospital seems busy, but in here it's quiet. I watch as her stomach goes up and down, making sure it doesn't stop.
I look at her face, she looks so peaceful. She hasn't looked like this since I don't even know how long.
After a few hours the nurse comes in and tells me visiting hours are closed until 4:30pm. I kiss Katy's forehead again and leave. Without knowing where I was going, I find myself pulling into the cemetery. I park and make my way over to our baby girls small grave. There's no headstone yet, just a mark of where she is. There's a tradition in New Zealand where they don't put the headstone down until the first anniversary. She wanted to keep that tradition. That and we still don't have a name for her. Neither of us could agree on a name.
I sit down by the settling dirt.
It's quiet. Not like the hospital room.
It's peaceful.
I look down at where my girl is and feel this wave of calmness pass through me. As if it's saying "everything is going to be okay."

Bzzz

Rick: Hey where are you?
Me: Just about to leave the cemetery. What's up?
Rick: Oh nothing, just checking in on you. How's she doing?
Me: Nothing new tbh. She looks peaceful though. Like she's actually getting rest.
Rick: That's good then, you going back up?
Me: Yeah at 4:30. Do you want to see her?
Rick: Would that be okay? I think everyone wants to see her.
Me: Yeah that's okay. They're only letting two people in at a time.
Rick: Cool thanks man. I'll let them know. See you around 4:30-5ish?
Me: Sounds good.

I take a breath in. Say goodbye to the small grave and head back to the car. It's 4 now so by the time I get back, park and walk to her room it should be 4:30...
God I hate this.

I sit by her bed when I get a text from Rick saying that they're here... "I'll be back." I say to my unmoving, unconscious fiancé.
I walk out the the waiting room and see 4 guys all dressed in black.
They all stand up.
"How is she?" Ryan asks worried.
"She's okay, she's in a coma for the next few days. So don't be alarmed when you walk in and see her attached to a bunch of machines. She won't respond to anything, but they say talking to her helps. But who the fuck knows that for sure. You can go in, but only two at a time." I explain, hopefully answering most of their questions. They all nod respectively. "And how are you?" Justin asks looking at me. "I'll be okay".

I take Rick in first, we sit there for a while. He holds her hand and lets his tears fall. They have such a good bond with each other. He's easily one of her best friends and it's obviously really hard for him.
Next up was Vinny. He talks, well rambles on about a bunch of stuff to her like usual. Nothing too important.
Ryan was after Vinny and he just sat there. He didn't say anything. He didn't even really look at her. He just held her hand and silently sat.
Justin came in after and tried to talk but I guess it felt weird to him. He freaked out a little when her finger moved in his hand and pulled back. I had to explain to him that she's not actually dead, she still moves every so often and it's not that weird. He calms down a little but stays on edge.

It was roughly 8:30pm when the nurse came in and told us that it was time to go. Justin attempted saying good bye to her.
I kiss her forehead and we walk out silently.