Atlantis // DNF

Across the line

"Merry Christmas, Dream." My voice fails me and i whisper instead of saying anything like a normal human, making it sound like something so important. Something so much more.

Silence doesn't seem harsh, i can hear him driving and his breathing is even, Atlantis sounds better in his car even though i can barely hear it.

"What have you been up to?"

"I'm with my mom, she's talking to my sister right now. They seem so happy Dream, i feel so at home."

"I'm really happy for you Georgie, you deserve all the best."

"You are driving."

"I am. I'm going to my parents house."

"That's good to hear, i already know that you will have a lot of fun." I say smiling and i know he can't see me but i can almost hear his smile too.

"I wish you would be here."

And just like that i'm not smiling anymore and i can't hear his happiness either.

"I-yea. Me too."

"We could do so much, my god, i would make it the best time of your life."

"What would we do?"

It's silent again but this time it's not as calm. This time it's cut off, we both are waiting and i wonder what he is thinking about.

"I would take you to the beach, i would show you my favourite parts of my backyard and i would take you to my parents house. I would teach you how to make homemade ice cream and my sister would teach you how to make friendship bracelets. My mom would hug you and you would know what i mean. And i would let you cuddle Patches all day, every day."

It sounds like haven and suddenly i want to cry because he is so, so far away and i have a home here but i wish i could just be there. I wish i could be there not only to cuddle Patches but also to see him. To hug him. Possibility, actually impossibly, maybe kiss him. I wonder what's that like. I wonder who he wants to hold like i wish to hold him.

Line is thin and it feels like his stepping his feet over it and testing the ground on the other side. He's getting comfortable.

"Mostly of all i would look at you. I would just see you and you would be real. I could actually touch you George. Could i do that?"

"You could." And just like that his on the other side of the line and i don't know what to do.

"I would like that." Maybe he took my hands and dragged me over the line too, because suddenly air feels different and i wonder what im allowed now. Can i say this? Can i do that? Can I?

"Could i hug you?"

"Yea."

"Do you like cuddling?"

"Sometimes. I often say that i don't because I can't do it with just anyone. So i hold off until i'm sure. It's kinda like..."

"Like what?"

Kissing. It's like kissing. And i would want that. I would want to do all of that with you. And i would like to do it again and again and never stop. But i'm falling and i don't know where you are. It's dark and i don't feel anyone around me and it's so scary. Are you at the bottom, somewhere? Are you still flying at the top? Where are you?

I cough and it's a sign that it has come to stop.

"Merry Christmas, say hi to your family from me."

"George you have to stop doing that. Please stop. You go all brave and say things like this and then just back away. What am i supposed to do??"

But i don't hear any of that because the phone is left laying on the floor and i'm in the kitchen making tea and crying, and water is running but i don't hear it, i don't hear anything and all i can do is sit on the floor and let myself fall further until the tea that tastes like starry nights and rainy mornings washes down all the thought and feeling. I wonder how much of it i have left.

"George?"

I look at my mom in the doorway and she knows, but doesn't say anything.

And it's Christmas but i'm crying again and she's sitting on the floor too and i just wish to drown. I wish i could drown.

"I have a gift for you too."

It's a paper bag and i hope, and for once, for once i cry because i'm happy. And i cry as i fill the tea box back up and tuck the rest that doesn't fit at the back of the top cabinet.

Is this what the other side of the line feels like? Is this what being across the line is like? It's confusing and i guess i'll never know when i say too much again but something feels so, so good, that i don't know what to do with myself. I wonder what he's thinking about. What would i be thinking about?

Dream's POV

I'm driving the car and i turn the music back on and i can't help but cry. It feels like he's so close yet he still changes the topic and disappears just like that, making it clear that he is actually further away than just across the ocean. He's further away than a one plane ride. He is so much further.

Will I ever reach him, does he want me to? What if i'm doing too much, what if he doesn't feel it? Could it be, that even after all this time, he still doesn't feel it?

And Atlantis plays in the background loudly and the thoughts feel like they're killing me. I cant help but wish that they would be killing me. Sitting at the ocean floor is getting overwhelming and i wish i could swim, but i'm running out of breath and i feel like an Atlantis.

I wonder if he's going to search for me. Will he look for me like all these scientists and divers? Will he write a book and sell it to millions of people?

I wonder what the cover of book about me would look like. I wonder what it would look like if George would choose it.

I hope it's blue.