Atlantis // DNF

Promise me you'll take care

It's three months. Three months of 'George quit streaming?' and missed phone calls. It's three long months of hospital visits and it's supposed to be spring but I feel more cold than ever. It's supposed to be late spring and i should be somewhere else but i'm sitting at my mom's bed, my sister is barely holding herself together and we both know. It hurts but we both know.

My phone has been dead for the past two weeks and i couldn't care less.

If i could have a place to go, i would be there. But my home is fading right in front of my eyes and as much as she tries to smile we all know.

"Promise me you'll take care."

And it's the first time that i'm crying in these three months. Hurt isn't enough, i can't even explain the painful fireworks in my lungs and it hurts more than anything.

But i hate to make promises i can't keep. I cant do that.

"I'm sorry mom."

"George. Promise me."

I feel the tears turning in a waterfall and i wish it would drown me but my sister runs on the other side of the bed and hugs me, holding me in place. And i'm thankful for it, because without her i would be another home fading.

"I promise." I whisper and it's a promise i now have to keep.

"Can you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Call him." I'm breaking down and i wish i could break the promise then and there.

"Something else. Please."

"I love you." And my sister needs someone to hold her too so i put my arms around her as my mom smiles and i know i'm gonna miss it.

It might be us crying and the world disappearing for the nurse to come in the room and run out for a doctor. It might be my sister choking on her tears and clenching to my sweater for me to know. I don't need to look to know.

And i hate the way it's nothing new. I hate the way that it happens every day and we are not the first ones to experience something like this but i can't stop it. I feel so sorry for myself and while my sister is talking to the nurse i decide that i'm selfish enough.

"George? I've been calling you for so long dude what the fucking hell!! It's been like two weeks! What the fuck i was so worried and i had no way of reaching you and i didn't know what to do!" And i know that Sapnap is worried and he deserves an explanation but i don't need him to be worried. I need him to talk. I need some sort of comfort. Anything.

"Please talk about something. Anything. Please." And im whispering because i'm not sure if my voice is even working anymore.

"George?"

"Please, Sapnap, god damn it please just talk."

And it's harsh and rude and my voice sounds terrible but i need to get the point across.

"I- George? Where are you?"

And i can't stop my legs from breaking in, my body breaks down in the empty hallway and i'm sobbing. I'm sure that they could hear it from the other side of the hospital because it's not quiet and it's not pretty. It's harsh and it's dry but i don't care because it's Sapnap and it's my mom.

"I can't- i can't do it Sapnap oh my god i can't do it anymore."

"George?"

I hear that he's worried more than i have ever heard him and it's not calming. I just need him to talk. I need him to be my temporary home, until Dream needs him again.

"Hospital. She's gone."

And i can hear he's breath hitch and it's quiet but he doesn't ask questions. He talks about weather and streaming. He talks about Karl and Quackity. He talks about he's plans and what he's been eating lately and it hurts me more the way i hear him crying too.

It hurts me more the way i can hear him needing comfort too because he didn't know my mom but he knew so much about her. He might have not met her but he knew her. I hate the way he's voice breaks and he needs a second to just cry, and he cries and i cry too and soon i feel my phone dropping next to me on the floor and i can still hear Sapnap crying. I try to hold myself but it's not the same and it will never be.

I don't really know if there's anything left. The truth is that there isn't. I have my sister but she will have to leave soon. I have Sapnap but he's hurting too. I have home in Florida but for now i don't know if he would open the door if i would knock on it. I don't think he would.

I don't have a internet world i can go to because i lost it myself and i'm not sure if anyone's waiting for me.

"George?"

It's my sister. She breaks down next to me and all i can do is hold her, i might not be enough for myself but i need to be enough for her.

It doesn't feel like underwater. It feels like i'm as far from the shore as i could be and i couldn't go there even if i wanted to. There is no way of feeling the salt water hitting my body again and i'm in a desert. I miss the waves. I miss the blue.

I swear i can hear my sister talking but i don't hear anything because my lungs are dry and I wonder if in my previous life i was a fish. It would make sense.

I wonder if i was on Atlantis. I wonder if i got too caught up in myself too and now, in 'one terrible night of fire and earthquakes' i'm going down too. That also would make a lot of sense.

I'm my own Atlantis.