where you go i go

Ten

Five years since the end of the war, Nayoko could see how her friends had changed and grown. And how she herself had not.

Lawrence was not yet thirty, and yet the passing of time was starting to leave its mark. His eyes were marked by fine crows feet, and his shoulders had softened without the threat of death around every corner. It was a comforting sight, and yet it left Nayoko on edge.

"We thought it was only right to visit, once Selene was cleared to travel and the weather permitted," Lawrence said, a fondness sparkling in his eye.

"He's beautiful," Nayoko looked up with a gentle smile.

"And healthy," added Selene, seemingly at peace.

"How long will you stay?" Nayoko asked as she passed the sleeping babe back to his doting mother.

"A week. We will need to move on to continue trade negotiations in the south, but we thought it would be nice to spend a little time with dear friends."

"I'm glad you came," Nayoko admitted, "It gets lonely up here all by myself."

"Archivist, please."

All eyes turned to the woman who glided through the entry arch.

"Alright, some of the company's not too bad," she conceded with a smile and watched as Tanya rolled her eyes at the flattery.

"It is a pleasure to see you again, your Majesty," Tanya said, ignoring Nayoko's comment as she continued into the room.

"And you, Tanya. I trust everything is running as smoothly as possible?" Lawrence answered genially. Tanya nods. The babe, swaddled in silk and cotton of royal colours, cries, breaking the silence that had settled over them.

"Selene, if I may?" Tanya asked and held her hands out. Selene seemed unsure, but the tired young mother handed over her child in hopes of relief.

"He's starting to teeth," Tanya said as a way of explanation, "He's just cranky because his mouth is sore. Ensure he has plenty to chew on, and if you can make it cold it will help soothe him."

"Can I take you back to the capital with me? I read every book on childbearing that I can but none of it seems to help in practice," she pleaded in jest. The older woman simply chuckled and shook her head.

Later, when the Archives were quiet and the librarians and scribes asleep, Nayoko sat in a lounge chair as Tanya passed her a steaming cup of tea before taking a seat of her own across the fire.

Tanya's solidarity and support had become a great comfort for her, knowing that she would be there to lend a hand whenever she needed it. She had been there for her to answer her every question, and assuage every concern.

But it was times like this, when they simply enjoyed each other's presence without worrying about the outside world, that Nayoko had come to cherish the most.

"I imagine you must have enjoyed seeing his Majesty for their visit," Tanya commented as she took a sip, "I know how you'd like to be able to visit your friends, even if you don't often mention it."

"Yes, I did, and seeing his son more than makes up for the solitude. He will be a strong boy, and a strong leader like his father." Nayoko agreed warmly, yet found herself sighing all the same.

"That does not make you happy?" Tanya queried. Nayoko faltered.

"He asked me to marry him, after the war," she admitted softly to the other woman. "I didn't accept. Every time I see him now, a part of me thinks, I could have had that."

Tanya's gold eyes bore into her, and she watched the way they scanned her face for oft-hidden emotions, "You didn't accept his proposal, but do you... love him?"

"I don't know. Maybe I did, once. But I knew I couldn't be the Archivist, his confidante and his queen. I can barely handle being one of those, I couldn't be all three."

"Lady Nayoko, you know that's not the case. I would have been here to support you whenever you needed it," Tanya frowned.

"It hardly matters now, you saw how happy he is, and his son is beautiful. I think this was the way it was meant to be," Nayoko said softly, and heard Tanya hum in response. Wether in agreement or to refute the statement, she didn't know nor ask.

For a while, neither of them spoke. Nayoko watched the steam swirl up from her cup, how the amber liquid glinted in the candlelight. In the silence, she was brought back to her concerns from earlier, and when she looked over at her companion, she knew she would be the only one who would be able to answer her truthfully.

"I'm not dying, am I?" Nayoko asked as she looked out the dark window to avoid her gaze. She could see the alarm flare in Tanya's face in the reflection.

"Why would you ask that?" Tanya queried, leaning her body towards her as she began to inspect her for injuries.

"No, I mean..." She paused, thought through her words, "I'm not...aging. I know I'm not human, not really, but I thought..." She could feel the heat of Tanya's stare as she pondered her words, mulling over a response.

"As it stands, it would appear that you are correct. It is likely that your own life will extend far beyond that of your friends. When I said we were the same, I meant it in every way."

Nayoko closed her eyes, and breathed in through her nose as she felt a stabbing sensation in her stone heart.

"I'll have to say goodbye to them all, won't I?"

"One day, yes, but not today. Not for a long time," Tanya answered in that soft, soothing voice of hers. Nayoko saw her own pain hidden and reflected in those golden eyes.

"That's the same thing you said to Lena when she left, isn't it?"

"Yes, and she's enjoying what time she has to the fullest," Tanya smiled wistfully, "and when the time comes, I will be there for her. Just as I will be there for you, too."

It was a small comfort.