where you go i go

Eighteen

Four hundred and forty-seven years had passed since the end of the war, and Nayoko was recognised by a girl studying her history books while she ate lunch. She had a forkful of meat hanging midair between the plate and her mouth as a heavy textbook was dropped on the table in front of her and a stubby little finger pointed to the page. On it was a recreation of a portrait painted of her in all her wartime regalia. She stared up at herself with the smallest of smiles.

"You look just like her," the girl proudly pointed out. Her finger dragged along the page to underline the title, "Lady Nayoko."

"How interesting," Nayoko said with a smile as she put down her fork.

"Maybe you're related!" The girl exclaimed. She wasn't sure why, but she found the youngster's enthusiasm infectious.

"Maybe," she played along.

The child leaned in as she read one of the paragraphs, "She disappeared from history some thirty years after the war. There are no records of her after her tenure as the Archivist, though some historians theorise she retired with her advisor, Tanya. Wow, she sounds like an amazing lady, don't you think?"

"I think she did what she had to do, for king and country," Nayoko answered softly. The little girl looked contemplative for a moment before she shrugged.

"I want to be like her when I grow up," she decided, giving a firm nod. Nayoko blinked in surprise.

"Why do you want that?" Nayoko asked out of curiosity, as she thought about the life she had led that had caused so much admiration. Why would anyone want to emulate that? But then she looked into the little girl's bright eyes, full of hope and wonder and dreams for the future. Was that what she had looked like once?

"Because I want to help make the world a better place," the girl said with a decisive nod. She closed her textbook and pulled it into her chest, giving Nayoko a look over once more.

"Can I get a picture? My history teacher won't believe it."

"I –" Nayoko paused, stopping the rejection at the tip of her tongue. What would the harm be, really? It had been so long, and so much had changed, that no one would even consider....

"O-okay."

The little girl squealed in excitement and grabbed her hand, yanking her out of her chair and dragging her across the cafe, calling out to an older woman across the room.

"Mom! Mom, can you take a picture of me and—"

"Na – Nadia," she finished dumbly.

She gave a small smile as the light flashed before her eyes, and wished the girl well in her studies before they left. When she returned to her meal, it was stone cold and she no longer felt she had the appetite to eat it.

That night, Nayoko dreamt of her friends. She dreamt of Lawrence and Selene, of her fellow scholars. She dreamt of Gregor, her father and her son. She dreamt of them, just as young and beautiful and unbroken as they had been when they had first met, and for the first time in a long time, it didn't hurt.

Nayoko dreamt of her.

Nayoko's cheeks were dry when she woke up, and she didn't feel guilty for letting herself smile.