Year 18

-Chapter 20-

Stepping into Kane's room this time is different. Earlier today when I had stumbled into the dimly lit room, I had felt at home again.

Now, I feel out of place.

Kane steps in front of me, something resembling a smile tugging at his lips.

"Close your eyes," he murmurs, his hand leaving mine.

I do so despite feeling confused, wondering what it is that Kane has to show me.

But a small sounds gives him away.

My eyes fly open, landing on him lifting Amelia from her crib, sitting at the end of his bed, nestled up to the low-to-the-ground mattress.

I blink, sure my eyes are playing tricks on me, but doing so a handful of times doesn't make Amelia disappear.

"What's she doing here?" I gasp, walking over slowly, despite the desperate desire I feel in my chest to race toward her.

"I couldn't let her out of my sight," Kane's smile—or the start of one—vanishes.

"What if-"

"I couldn't," Kane's voice is thick with emotion.

I don't push him.

"She's all I have left of..." Kane licks his lips, searching my eyes as though he needs my permission to continue.

"Of?"

"Felisha."

I try to ignore the sting of a needle poking at my heart.

"Kane, I know you don't fully trust that I'm who I say I am, but-"

"Can you blame me?"

I close my mouth. I can't blame him for not believing his eyes, let alone believing anything coming out of my mouth.

"What happened while you were in those Cells?"

Kane looks down at Amelia, shaking his head. He's not ready to talk about it. Not fully anyway.

"You know what you did to me in there."

A jolt runs through my body. I thought he was starting to believe me. Afterall, he invited me to sleep in here tonight, and he's allowing me to be around Amelia. If he felt I was such a threat, I can't imagine he'd do either of those things. And still, he's talking to me as though I was in those Cells with him, as though I caused all that pain single-handedly.

All at once, I feel a loss of air. What if I was in those Cells in a sense? What if I did cause that pain? The Government had used a UCP version of Kane to torture me. What would have kept them from doing the same to him?

"I'm going to get Amelia ready for bed," Kane says quietly, and I nod, knowing that's my cue to move onto a new subject. Or just to stop talking altogether, despite the questions burning on my tongue.

Did I hurt you? Did they use me against you?

Instead I ask, "can I borrow something to wear to bed?"

I slip into a t-shirt, relieved to finally be rid of the dress the Government insisted on. Climbing into a pair of sweatpants Kane offered, I synch them up at the waist, allowing myself a look in the mirror. I stopped recognizing the face that peers back a long time ago. She's a face I associate with myself before I was here. She's a face that belongs to a different version of myself. I don't feel like I'm her anymore.