"All right, I admit it. It's weird having the captain here" said Jake.
"It straight up sucks" said Gina.
"Should we just go home? What do you think, Terry?" asked Rosa.
"I am not going anywhere. I'm playing Kwazy Kupcakes. I'm hydrated as hell and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on" said Terry.
"Wait a minute. Vacation Terry, you're a genius. We'll have two parties. A fun one down here with just us and an awkward, uncomfortable one in the living room with Holt. He doesn't even have to know about it. Seperate parties, seperate but equal - Forget I said that phrase" Jake said.
----------------
"Okay, we don't have much time. Captain's in the bathroom, and we all know how efficient he is in there. Here's the plan: The boring Holt party will be in the living room. At least three of us must be with him in that room at all times. It's not a party if there aren't four people" said Jake.
"Especially between the sheets" said Amy, and high fived a confused Scully.
"The other party will be in here. Shifts at each party will be twenty minutes and staggered. Any questions?" Jake asked.
"How do you get your hair like that?" asked Charles.
"Born this way. Also, Hitchcock and Scully are not to be left alone with the captain. They'll annoy him into leaving his party with their weird sunken casino idea" said Jake.
"It's not an idea. It's a scheme" said Hitchcock.
"Okay, that is way worse" you said.
"I think this is gonna work. And who knows? Maybe the Holt party will even be fun" Jake said.
Five minutes later, you, Jake, Terry and Scully were listening to Holt talking about someone playing the recorder.
"Now, the recorder is generally thought of as a training instrument for children. But listen to it. In the hands of an expert like Joram Leifgrum... The passion... Is breathtaking" said Holt.
-------------
"Oof" said Jake, as you and him entered the basement. "First shift is done."
"How was it?" asked Rosa.
"I'm not gonna lie. It was pretty brutal. But on the plus side, I now hate a whole new genre of music" Jake said.
"All right, Boyle, Rosa and Amy, you're up" you said.
"Come on, get on it" said Jake.
"And under it. Bangarang" said Amy.
"Ames, Ames, Ames" said Gina. "You don't want to be around Holt in your current state. Say hello to the most confident woman alive."
"Drink number five" Amy sang as she finished the drink. "You are a true friend and a hot little piece."
"Goodbye, four drink Amy. Sloppy sicko" said Gina as Amy wandered upstairs.
---------------
Jake led Scully downstairs. "What the hell, guys? You can't just let Scully go wherever he wants."
"We lost track of who was where, sorry" you said.
"Guys, if we're going to pull this off, we need to focus" said Jake.
"You want to play?" asked Gina.
"Yeah, of course I do. It's quarters. What am I, a monster? Terry, tag me in. You're on Holt party duty" Jake said, sitting down.
------------
The game finished and everyone cheered drunkenly.
"I am the king of quarters!" celebrated Jake loudly. "See, I told you guys we'd still have fun this weekend. Wait, Terry. Aren't you supposed to be upstairs?"
"Not now. It's schnapps time" said Terry.
"Okay, Amy and Hitchcock are still upstairs. I think we're still okay" you said as Amy walked in.
"Six drink Amy... Is so alone" said Amy, sitting on the floor.
"Oh, no. Six drink Amy isn't fun. She's just sad. Damn it" Gina said.
"Guys, this is really bag. Got to get up there" said Jake.
"Now, where is everyone?" asked Holt, walking in. "Ah, detectives. You were having a party without me."
"Captain - " you said.
"No need to explain" said Holt, and left the room.
"This is gonna sound controversial, but I think that went pretty good" said Jake.
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"Man, I've never seen Captain Holt that sad before. He looks like a sad block of granite" Jake said.
"What are we gonna do? How do you cheer up granite?" asked Charles.
"Well, you could salvage it, much like the casino we've been talking -" said Scully, before being interrupted by Terry who said "I feel awful. My fanny's not deep enough to fix this. Vacation Terry... Is dead."
Terry took off the fanny.
"The fanny" whispered Jake.
"I'm gonna go talk to Captain Holt" said Terry.
"No, don't do that. I invited him up here. I should go talk to him" Jake said.
"Okay" Terry said.
"What?" asked Jake. "Really thought you'd fight me on that, and then we'd have a whole back-and-forth, and eventually you'd go 'Jake, I respect you, but I got to do this.'"
"No, it's uncomfortable. I'd much rather you do it" said Terry.
"All right, fine. Here I go" said Jake, and turned to walk away but only pretended to move.
"You're not moving" you said.
"All right!" said Jake, and walked out of the room.
---------------
"I call the game 'Real Ray or Fake Ray?'" said Jake. "And joining us is a very special contestant, Captain Ray Holt himself."
Holt entered and everyone clapped and cheered.
"All right, here's how the game works. I will say a phrase. You will tell me if I made it up, or if it's something Captain Holt actually said in real life to an actual human being" Jake said.
"I understand the logic of this game" said Holt.
"Great! Phrase number one: 'The futility of lighting candles only to blow them out immediately is just one reason I find children's birthday parties impractical'" Jake read from a card.
"Holt" said Rosa.
"That's Holt" Charles said.
"Mm, fake" said Gina.
"I say fake too" Terry said.
"Fake" you said.
"I don't remember saying it, so it must be fake" said Holt.
"It was real!" said Jake. "To Terry's kids at their birthday party."
"Oh, I remember now. Oh, do another one. Do another one" said Holt.
"All right, phrase number two: 'Any smile that lasts longer than a second and a half is a con man's ruse'" Jake said.
"That's fake" Rosa said.
"I said it" said Holt. "And I meant it!"
Everyone cheered loudly. "Oh!"
YOU ARE READING
Brooklyn 99: Jake Peralta x Reader
Fanfiction"Was it? 'Cause I know for a fact you also told her when you got back, and everytime you would, y/n would get 'confused' and then our relationship would get 'out-of-sync,' and if you ask me, I think it's because y/n liked you back" Elliot said. Jake...
