ՏTᗴᑭ ᗷᖇOTᕼᗴᖇ

Chapter 17

We sit there, just holding each other as I recover. His hands never leave my body. His face nestled into the crook of my neck. As I feel my heartbeat start to return to an acceptable beat he gently lowers me back down to my pillow.

I keep my eyes closed, scared if I open them I'll wake up and this will have all been a beautiful fantasy.

"You're so handsome." I feel his lips. touch mine but this time it's so soft, it fills my stomach with hundreds of free flying butterflies. I allow my eyes to flutter open and am greeted by his dragon eyes.

I stare for a moment just looking at them. If I was given a lifetime to describe them I still would not do them justice. I see his lips turn up at the corners. "What are you thinking?" He smiles.

I smile back lost in the cold hues "You're pretty."

What the fuck? Did I honestly just call Kim Namjoon pretty? To his face? I can feel my cheeks heat and I just want to climb under the covers and die there. Namjoon sees the degree of tomato change in my skin tone and smirks down at me.

I am momentarily distracted when he moves in closer to place tiny delicate kisses against my forehead but there is something definitely not delicate pushing against my hip as he does it. I let my eyes quickly glance down and see the huge bulge in his basketball shorts.

Shit. Okay don't panic. I mean how hard could it be to sort that out? Shit, don't say hard.

Namjoon had started to make his way around to my cheek, still littering my face with tiny kisses. I start to slide my hand between our bodies. I feel down his chest as his heartbeat races against my touch. I slow down as I reach his abs, savoring the feeling of my fingers as they run across each one until I get to the hand of his shorts. I start to let my hand push itself inside when I feel my wrist whipped back to my side.

"You don't have to do that." He affirms.

A cold feeling overtakes me as he moves his body off mine. I become suddenly aware of how exposed I am and quickly slip my hands back inside my top and pull it on covering myself back up.

Namjoon sits at the end of the bed, his back to me and his head in his hands. I feel an overwhelming sense of hurt, he's clearly regretting what just happened. He doesn't want me to touch him. He doesn't want me. I feel used, dirty, and not in a good way. The cold feeling spreads to my legs and I can feel how damp my shorts are. I get up to change them.

I'm halfway to the closet when a strong hand pulls me back and I almost go crashing into the wall of humanity that is Namjoon.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

I look expecting to see his stern face but it's not, it's soft. This is so fucking confusing. I look away, his hand let's go of my wrist and joins his other at my face forcing me to look up at him.

"Kim?"

I don't even know how to word it. "You're regretting this. You don't want me to touch you. You don't want me too. You know it's okay. We can pretend this didn't happen." I cringe at the vulnerability that is making itself present in my voice.

Namjoon's hands drop from my face. "Is that what you want?" I can't bear to look at him as he asks.

"Isn't that what you want?" I respond.

"Fuck no! Shit. Kim. Me stopping you then had nothing to do with me not wanting you or regretting anything." He takes my hands in his slowly. His thumbs start to make circles on the backs of my palms before he pulls me back with him so he is sitting on the bed with me standing in front of him.

He looks down at my hands that are still in his as he speaks. "I just didn't think you were ready. I didn't want you to feel pressured into doing anything until you were." He moves, his arms around my hips and pulls me between his legs, resting his. head against my stomach. "Trust me, if I thought you were ready I couldn't and wouldn't ever stop you. Pulling away from you is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do."