ՏTᗴᑭ ᗷᖇOTᕼᗴᖇ

Chapter 25

Seokjin's POV

The conversation I heard between Yoongi and Namjoon plays in my mind again –

"They all fall for the 'you're so beautiful' play."

This was a mistake. A feeling I have never experienced comes over me. Dread? Fear? I can't explain it.

"Namjoon get off me." He just looks down at me clearly confused but doesn't move.

"Jin? What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

No and I'm not going to give you the chance too.

"Get off me Namjoon!" I scream and he immediately opens the door and gets out of the car.

I pull my hoodie back on and I can feel my heart racing painfully. I've never felt like this. I can feel the heat rising through my body and every inch of me is shaking. I feel like the walls are closing in on me and I desperately need air.

I slide into the passenger seat and throw open the door. I hear it hit the garage wall but it doesn't stop me from running out.

I get to the house and run as fast as my legs will carry me. I see Jungkook walking out of his room playing his switch, his lips are moving but I can't hear him, I can't hear anything except my heartbeat ringing in my ears.

I open my door before he sees me and get inside.

I can't breathe.

I try to stumble to my bed but my head is so heavy, I feel like it is going to fall from my body. I sit on the floor but soon my body gives in and I'm just laying there trying to remember how to get oxygen into my body.
My once scolding hot skin now feels like ice.

I can feel the carpet rubbing against my cheek as I shake uncontrollably. What is happening to me? I hold my hand to my chest trying to steady myself but nothing is helping.

I feel the carpet below my face moisten as the tears fall but I can't stop them. My vision is blurry and I can't see anything around me.

Am I dying?

I feel warmth surround me and I'm pulled from my floor. I have my eyes closed as I try to calm my body. If this is death coming to carry me away I welcome his embrace if only to stop the pounding in my head.

I realise I'm laying down once again and I can hear a gentle thudding in my ear. I feel my rigid hand start to relax against my chest but there is a stinging sensation where my nails have been digging into the flesh.

My head begins to slow like I've been on a terrifying rollercoaster and it's finally time for it to stop. I still feel my body tremble but the uncontrollable shaking has ceased. I slow my breathing until it reaches a stable pattern of going in then out.

I let my eyes open and I see my TV, I'm on my bed.

I'm not alone.

The thudding in my ear is a heartbeat coming from the chest on which my head is resting.

I look up to Namjoon frightened face. I can't help the calm seeing him brings me. I try to talk but my mouth feels like sandpaper. I feel water running down my face and realise I'm still crying.

Namjoon takes his hand to my face and wipes the tears away.

"Are you OK?"

I shake my head at him. I try to ask what happened to me but I can't get out the words. Namjoon reads the confusion and responds.

"I think you were having a panic attack. I've seen it before, Mum had them a lot after she left my father." He leans over to my bedside table and hands me the half empty bottle of water I started last night.

"Have you had one before?" he asks, his eyes laced with concern. I shake my head at him again as I let the water lubricate my throat. I down every drop but it still doesn't feel like enough to quench my thirst.

"I'm sorry Jin. I thought we could.. I mean I thought you enjoyed.. I'm just sorry." His eyes look more moist than usual and I see the hurt in them, not at me but at himself. I need to explain.

"It wasn't what you did to me Namjoon, it's why you did it." He looks confused but let's me continue.

"I heard you and Yoongi talking about how when you're trying to get in a someone's pants you pull the 'you're so beautiful' card to seal the deal. I just don't want to be one of them, it's not who I am. Especially when you're only doing it to win some pissing contest with Yoongi. I just.."

I stop. I'm not sure I can say it to him. I know I need to. Shit, I just need to bite the bullet and do it.

"I just... I feel things when I'm with you, things I can't explain. I need to stop this happening with you before I get hurt. I barely survived losing my mum. You didn't see what it did to me. I can't handle getting hurt again, losing someone again. I feel like you've no idea how much control you have over me."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

He just stares at me. Why is he just staring at me? I swear if he just laughs right now and this was all just a big joke to him I'm going to college in gwacheon and never coming back.
Finally he speaks. "Jin, I'm not going to lie to you. I have said those words to people before and not meant them just to get what I want." I feel the bile rise in my throat. Do I want to hear this?

"It's not something I'm particularly proud of. I've spent years being a selfish prick. Its kind of built into my DNA but that's not who I want to be anymore, not with you. I promise you - I have meant those words every time I've said them to you. You're different Jin, you always have been. You think I have the power over you but you have it all backwards, it's you who has that power over me."

I can't believe the words even though I'm watching them fall from his perfect lips.

I have power over Namjoon?

I twist on the bed until I'm on my knees in front of him. I have to do this.

I lean forward and take his face in my hands, placing my lips gently onto his. I feel his arms slip under me and pull me forward into his lap.

The kiss starts sweet, I can taste the salty tears that had fallen to my lips. I gently take his bottom lip in my mouth and suck gently. Immediately the kiss becomes more passionate, he places his hand at the back of my neck and his tongue slowly teases my lips looking for entrance. I wilfully comply and our tongues begin their dance. Just as his hands are moving down to my hips we are torn away from each other by a knock at the door.

I barely have enough time to jump off Namjoon before Jungkook walks straight in.

"There you are! You said we'd practise after school!" He stands eagerly in the doorway clutching a basketball.

I turn to Namjoon still slightly breathless but he's just smiling at his baby brother.

"Sorry Champ, let's go."

Jungkook does a little happy floss dance then runs out the door. That kid is too cute for his own good.

Namjoon stops in the doorway checking quickly if there's anyone else there before running back and kissing me.

He breaks away. "We'll finish this later." He says as I feel his hand give my bum a cheeky squeeze.

Just as quickly he runs back out the door.

I throw myself down on my bed landing flat on my back. As I look up at the ceiling the butterflies in my stomach that arrived the moment my lips touched Namjoon's refuse to relent their fluttering.
I feel free. I feel happy but I can't shake the nagging voice in the back of my head that keeps telling me this is wrong.

You aren't supposed to want to fuck your stepbrother, but I do.

Is the story going fast??