ՏTᗴᑭ ᗷᖇOTᕼᗴᖇ

Chapter 36

Jin's POV

"Fuck Jin! Why the hell didn't you tell me? That's some major shit you've got yourself into."

I feel exhausted after telling Hobi everything, and I mean everything. That boy lived for details.

"I didn't know how you'd react. I didn't want you to think bad of me. You had so much going on with Granny too, I didn't want to add to the stress."

Hobi grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me in a hug.

"Okay first, if my step brother looked like that I would have been balls deep months ago, I mean seriously! How you stood in a shower with a body like that and didn't let him pound you twelve different ways is beyond me!"

I couldn't help but laugh at his candour, he wasn't a poet but he got the job done.

"Secondly, no matter the shit I have going on I am always here for you. You've always been there for me no matter what. When I caught herpes two days after your mum's funeral did it stop you coming with me to the clinic? No! Because that's what best friends do."

"Yes but I don't think normal best friends ask you to check their dick is healed and then proceed to shove it on your face! When you're sitting on your bed eating corn flakes! I've not been able to look at a bowl of them since."

"Yes well that's because we're more than best friends. We're soul brothers. Plus I had to know before I went on the date with that hot guy from the pharmacy."

We erupt into laughter at the memory. I can't believe I ever doubted he'd be anything but cool about this.

"Shit, I better get Tae... or better yet, you go get Tae. If he wants to play who can make the other more jealous then we are going to win." I worry when I see the smirk. I know that smirk. It's the one that usually comes before we end up in trouble.

"You're going to go in there and send Tae and Kook in here to get dressed before food. Then you go to where your clothes is and drop the towel completely before putting it on."

"Hobi I am not standing there naked in front of him!"

"It's not about being naked in front of him, it's about the allure. Keep your back to him if you want, he's already seen your perfect arse anyway. Just make sure he knows you're naked under the clothes. No-one else will bat an eyelid but he'll know that all that stands between him and your body is a thin piece of black fabric."

He's a fucking genius.

I stand and he uses his fingers to mould my wet locks into ringlets. I take a deep breath and steady myself.

As I turn for the door I feel his hand slap my behind.

"Go get 'em boy." I love him so much.

I walk back towards the pool. Tae and Kook are chilling on floating loungers whilst Namjoon sits on the side with his legs dangling in watching them.

"Kids! Aera's nearly ready with food so you need to go get dry." Kook helps Tae get up the steps and they sprint over to the showers.

Namjoon gets up and takes a towel from the shelves. He sits on the end of the lounger two away from the one holding my clothes.

I walk over to it and put my back to him.

It's now or never.

I drop the towel.

I bend slightly to pick up my clothes pointing my bare backside towards where he sits. I can feel a cool breeze blow against my spreading lips and it causes me to wonder how much he can actually see.

I grab the clothes and pull it over my head trying not to rush as I go.

As the fabric falls I lean back down to grab my towel and walk away without ever turning back to look at him. I didn't need to, I could feel his eyes burning through me the entire time.

*****************

Aera really put on a spread for lunch. She was a born hostess.

Namjoon sat across from me and couldn't stop staring. Hobi kept giving me knowing looks and I could see he was proud his devious little plan was working.

After food Tae went with Kook to look at his video game collection. They were so sweet playing together. Tae hung on Kook's every word and I think Jungkook was starting to realise what it felt like to be Namjoon. I know my dad and Aera both don't want more kids at their age but if they did then Kook would have made an incredible big brother.

Hobi was standing in my closet looking over what he planned on taking with him.

"So tell me about your show. It's a regional?" I needed to get updated on what was going on.

"Yes but it's definitely going to be harder than last year, so many of the smaller groups have grown and really stepped up their game. They've just dropped a bomb on us as well that there will be a battle of the prop round so I need to come up with a whole routine for just the boys and they have three weeks to master it. Can you come with me to the studio tomorrow? There aren't classes until 6 so we have a couple hours before."

Hobi pulled a pair of boots Aera had given me on before deciding he didn't like them and putting them back.

"Yeah sure, do you have a plan for what you're going to do?" Hobi nodded but became distracted by his phone buzzing.

"Shit, Granny's finishing early. I'll have to leave in five." He started to put back the closet to the way he found it and I helped.

"So Jin, what are you going to do? About the whole boy next door you want to screw so badly." I playfully nudge him.

"I don't know. It's just too complicated. I feel things for him Hobi, things I can't understand. He was just the evil guy who bullied me, now I feel naked without his hands on me. It's so hard."

Hobi rests my head against his shoulder and strokes my hair gently.

"Do you love him?"

I feel a single tear roll down my cheek.

"I can't think about it Hobi. I just can't. I can't let myself feel it. It doesn't matter if I did anyway. I would never break apart Aera and Dad, she's a good woman and they are so happy. After everything they've been through.. I could never put my happiness before theirs."

Hobi pulled me in tighter.

"Your Selflessness will be your undoing Jin."

We sit there on the floor of my closet until he has to leave. I think about everything he said over and over, the question ringing in my ears.

Do I love him?

If I'd let myself feel the truth in this moment, things might have turned out differently.

********

TWO MONTHS LATER

I smooth down my black suit and put on a tie. It was too tight, too uncomfortable.

I knew it wasn't the outfit. It was the situation.

Aera had kept the tears away long enough to do the zip up then walked away from me. Everyone avoided me now.

I tried not to look at their faces but I couldn't help it. I could feel them staring. They blamed me and they weren't wrong.

It was my fault.

I forced myself to face forward through the sea of black until I landed on him.

I was glad they chose to keep it closed, I couldn't cope looking at his face again.

I didn't want to come. Aera said I had to, said we needed to show a united front despite the fact we were anything but united.

She was struggling with coming to terms with what happened, I couldn't blame her. The fear I felt that day was unlike anything I had felt before. It was the worst day of my life.

The day we lost him.

I looked at the large mahogany coffin. He would have hated this. 

I hate funerals.