ՏTᗴᑭ ᗷᖇOTᕼᗴᖇ

Chapter 32

Jin's p.o.v.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I can see Dad and Aera chatting at the kitchen island as I walk through the door but ignore them completely and make a beeline for the stairs.

What the fuck did I just do?

Seriously. WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO?!

I get to my room and immediately get in the bathroom. I start throwing water on my face in a desperate attempt to try and feel clean again.

I kissed Yoongi. I kissed Min fucking Yoongi. Why didn't I just inject myself straight with Chlamydia and get it over with?

I stare at my dripping face in the vanity mirror. Kissing him isn't the worst part.

It's that I liked it.

I perch myself gently on the wicker hamper and let my head fall back against the cold tile wall.

I was a mess. This whole thing with Namjoon had completely fucked me up. What happened to me? A few months ago I was okay, not entirely happy sure but never this confused.

I think back to before Dad proposed to Aera. Back when the closest thing we had to a home cooked meal was the popcorn he microwaved to go with the takeout pizza. Things were simpler back then.

I'd just chill with Hobi, go watch his class and then have a belly full of whatever glorious dessert Granny made that day before walking home along the river.

I can't even remember the last time I danced. Me and Hobi were so preoccupied at the moment I hadn't even asked him about the competition his class was entering. I couldn't keep doing this.

I heard banging come from Namjoon's room. I reached for the handle but realised that considering the current circumstances it was probably best I don't go barging in.

I gently knock on the wood. I hesitate when the banging stops but there's still no answer.

"Namjoon? Is everything okay?" I ask softly. We haven't spoken since Aera talked to him yesterday but I couldn't not ask.

The door swung open so fast I had to grab the doorframe to stop myself falling through it.

Namjoon stood in front of me but I barely recognized him. He looked pale but his eyes were red raw and bloodshot. Had he been crying?

I looked up at his towering frame but he didn't have the same presence he usually did. He looked defeated.

I noticed something dripping over his shoulder down onto his collar bone.

"Shit! Namjoon you're bleeding!" I step around him to look for the cause and see his usually perfect blonde locks were now a sea of crimson.

"Fuck." I grab the hand towel off the rail and go to put pressure on the wound but Namjoon backs away from me.

"Don't touch me." He growled and I pulled my hand back to my chest at the harshness of his tone.

He walks away from me and sinks to the floor in front of his bed. He looks off balance.

"Namjoon you're bleeding, you have to let me help you. Please." I beg.

Namjoon just keeps his eyes forward as if I'm not even here focusing intently on a mark on the wall opposite.

"I think you've helped enough for one night." His tone was dark, menacing almost. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't slightly afraid of him right now.

"What do you mean?" I don't understand. I start to approach him slowly and with caution. His head falls back against the mattress.

"Well you seemed to really help Yoongi out by scratching that itch he had on his tonsils with your tongue."

Shit. He saw us.

"Namjoon it wasn't like that. I –"

"Save it. You two have become quite the pair haven't you? I mean a bit of foreplay on the grass this morning, a cozy little date after school then necking in the car to finish the night. For fucks sake Jin, you're even wearing his fucking shirt!"

I look down and see I really am still wearing the bastard thing Yoongi gave me this morning. I rip it off and throw it back through the doors to my room.

"Better?" I ask with too much sarcasm for this situation but I can't help it. "How did you know about all of that anyway? Were you following me?" If this is going to turn into a boiling my bunny situation I might just give up the will to live.

"Don't flatter yourself."

I want to shout and scream at him. Remind him that he was the one who promised his mother he'd stay away from me then refused to talk to me again but I just can't.

I can see in his eyes he's hurt and this is just him acting out and avoiding his feelings.

I walk over to where he's sat, towel still in hand, and lean down onto my knees in front of him.

"Please just let me put pressure on it. You're getting blood all over your sheets."

He doesn't answer but after a moment he leans his head forward enough for me to lean over him and put the towel to the wound.

Namjoon rests his head against my stomach and I can feel his breath gently fan against the exposed skin.

"You smell like him." His small voice breaks the silence and my heart with it.

"I'm sorry." And I am. I need to tell him how sorry but now isn't the time.

I feel his arms wrap around me keeping me against him. I just keep still scared that any movement will make him take his touch back.

"It wouldn't have worked between us Jin. We couldn't have done it without other people getting hurt. I tried to find a way but it.. I mean were we just going to keep it a secret forever? Or were our kids just going to have one set of grandparents between us? People wouldn't be okay with it and my mum wouldn't survive losing your dad. I know you wouldn't want to hurt them. I just think maybe.. it wasn't meant to be."

He shakes slightly as he talks and I know the words are killing him. I bite my lip to try to stop the sobs leaving my mouth but it does nothing to prevent the tumbling tears.

I know he's right. He knows he's right. I just don't understand how the right thing can feel so wrong. I don't want this, I want him.

I pull the towel back and can see the bleeding has stopped but he's still a mess.

I can't fall apart in front of him now, he needs me. I quickly wipe away the evidence from my face.

"Namjoon I don't want you to think about that now. We have to clean you up." I try to make my voice sound strong and firm despite the fact I feel anything but.

He looks up at me and I try to force myself to smile at him. I don't want him to think he can't rely on me to help him right now.

I get up and turn on the shower. I come back and realise his black sheets are soaked in blood. I strip the bed of the soiled bedding and throw it all into the corner of the room.

"Where's your fresh bedding?"

"Cupboard in the hall. I can do it Jin." He tries to get up but I put my hand on his chest.

"You just go get in the shower and I'll sort it." I instruct. I'm surprised when he doesn't argue with me. He must have had a lot of blood loss to just agree with anything I say, although I'd be lying if I said I hate it.

I go the cupboard and grab the only black sheets in there figuring those were his, resisting the urge to put on the pink floral ones I assume are Aera's.

I make the bed and relish in the feeling of the soft silk. I quickly glance around the room realizing I've never really been in here long enough to notice anything about it.

The walls were a cold grey but almost all the furniture was black. My eye was caught by the large desk that sat in the window nestled between the rich black velvet curtains.

I see the sketch pad laying on top and don't care if it's considered snooping, I want to see what he draws.

My fingers gently brush over the front cover when I hear a clatter in the bathroom.

I yank the door open grateful he didn't lock it. I'm surprised to see Namjoon hasn't even got in yet and is standing in the middle of the room with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth staring at the contents of my makeup bag that are now cast all over the floor.

"Sorry." Namjoon mumbles through a mouthful of toothpaste. "I just opened the cabinet and they jumped out and attacked me!"

I laugh knowing its my fault for not putting it away properly in my rush to get out of here this morning.

I gather it all up as Namjoon strips for the shower. I can't help letting my eyes glance up quickly and have a fleeting moment of pleasure as they scan over his Thor-like physique.

I wonder how it would feel to let my tongue slide down his abs? Oh for gods sake Jin, this is so not the time.

I notice how unsteady he is as he balances to remove his shorts.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, I think I just need something to eat, a bit light headed." I bet you are, half the content of your head is still on the sheets in the corner of the room.

"Okay, let's get you cleaned up and then I'll go get you some food."

I pull my t-shirt over my head and throw it in the hamper.

"Jin what are you doing?" Namjoon asks pensively and not even trying to avert his eyes from looking at my chest.

"You look like you're going to pass out, there's no way I'm letting you go in there alone. You'll probably slip, bang your head against the tiles and I'll have an even bigger mess to clean up."

Namjoon shakes his head at me. "No Jin. You can't. You'll.. um.. get your clothes wet."

I put my hand into the shower and let it fill with water then throw it over my chest.

"Oops! Guess I'm already wet so there's no problem." I see his lips twitch as he tries not to laugh at my antics. "Now stop being a big baby and get in the shower with me."

I regret it as soon as I say it but there's no taking it back now. I really need to think about the words I'm going to say before I just let them come out making me sound like a sexual bloody predator! I quickly unbutton my shorts and pull them off.

I step into the shower before Namjoon can protest again and let the water run all over me soaking me.

I feel Namjoon step in behind me and the shower door shut.

The steam blocks some of my vision but I feel Namjoon's skin slide slowly against mine as we swap places and he places his head under the stream of water.

I hear him wince as the water penetrates the wound and the pooling at our feet turns red.

I place my arms around his neck and allow my fingers to weave themselves into the back of his hair slowly, forcing the blood to wash away from him.

Our disparaging heights becomes evident as I struggle to maintain the balance on my tip toes required to reach him.

Namjoon notices and I feel as his hands pull me in closer and wrap around me. His hands slide down my waist and hips until the glide gently over the back of me. He finally finds his way to the bottom of my ass behind and takes handfuls of my cheeks in his hands pulling me up, balancing me on my toes.

I sense the closeness of our bodies, despite the temperature of the shower it is his body heat I feel.

As the red water turns to a pale pink I take the shampoo from the shelf behind him and pour some into my hand. Namjoon's hands never leave my body but he tilts his head back for a moment to soak his hair.

I try to be gentle as I use my fingers to work the shampoo into his hair. I feel him shiver as my hands caress every inch of his sensitive scalp.

That's when I feel it against my stomach. The hard length I've fantasised about. I flash back to Hobi's lesson from earlier and wonder how it would feel in my mouth. How it would feel to watch his face filled with pleasure as I slid his long shaft into my throat.

I realise with the distraction of my daydream I'm no longer in his hair but my fingers are massaging the back of his neck.

His hands tighten their hold on my backside and I feel his fingers begin to push into the soft flesh.

I force his head back into the shower stream and try to divert my thoughts. I watch as the bubbles fall from his head and wash their way down his body. I follow their trail along his washboard abs onto the wet fabric of his boxers.

I stare with desire at the protrusion emanating from them.

I have to get out of here. I'd be taking advantage of him in this state, that's not what I want.

I turn off the shower and pull myself from Namjoon's grip to step out. I grab a towel and wrap it around myself opening the door to my room. I'm relieved as the cold air hits me and I am cooled from my heated state.

I give Namjoon a towel. "I'm just going to get some pyjamas on. I'll be back in a minute." And I rush into my room.

I grab an oversized t-shirts from my drawer and a pair of pyjama shorts.

I glance quickly at my phone. Two messages.

Hobi: Thanks for helping tonight chick. Granny has an appointment at 10 and 2 tomorrow so I won't be in again. Call me at lunch if you get bored. Love ya x

I go to the next one.

Yoongi: You still have my shirt gorgeous. If you don't bring it back tomorrow I'd be happy to take whatever you are wearing as trade. Call me if you wish to negotiate.

Why did I kiss that douche.

I go back into Namjoon's room. He's laying on the bed with his eyes closed.

"Namjoon!"

He jumps out of bed with his fists raised ready to fight someone.

"Shit. Jin. Don't fucking do that!" He rubs his head and gets back on the bed.

"Namjoon you have a head injury, you need to stay awake in case you have a concussion. Maybe we should tell Aera? You might need to get checked out or something."

Namjoon's eyes widen. "I'm fine, I just need to eat. Please don't tell her. After everything with Jungkook she'll only panic. Honestly I'm fine. I promise."

Low playing the Jungkook card but that isn't what bothers me most.

"I promise."

The words that sealed our fate repeated again.

"I'll go get you something, just please don't go to sleeping." I grab the blood soaked sheets and wet clothes and go downstairs.

I get to the laundry room and throw them in the washer adding as much stain remover as it will take.

Aera has some left over pasta in the fridge. I grab it and make up two bowls then get some popcorn and two cokes. I desperately try to find some chocolate but the closest are some protein bars I found at the back of the cabinet.

I throw it all on a tray and grab the last two muffins to finish off.

As I leave I almost drop it all as I run into dad.

"Late night feast?" He asks looking at the abundance of food.

"Something like that. Aera really doesn't do chocolate does she? It's easier to find a horcrux than a decent snack in this place."

Damn Yoongi getting Harry Potter stuck on my brain.

Dad laughs and goes into the pantry pulling down a box from the top shelf marked 'Mums China'. I look at him puzzled when he reaches inside and pulls out a pack of Oreos.

"My mum never liked fancy china." He winks. I laugh realising the ability to hide something in front of everyone's faces must run in the family.

I get back to Namjoon's room and he's still laying there in his boxers flicking through Netflix.

He smiles at me "Want to watch Harry Potter?"

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.