Sorry this was a draft. I wasn't even going to post it. I hate this ✌️
the truth is that I am terrified.
Holland and I have been friends for years, and recently we've become really close, I think. I hope. don't get me wrong I am aware that I feel a certain way about this woman. I feel as though we're in the honey moon phase of the relationship, I just wish that we both were.
I can't even tell if she feels even a little bit of what a feel for her. she calls me darling, and angel and sweetheart, but I've heard her call everyone darling before.
if I touch her she doesn't seem to pull back at all, and I feel like the way that we talk and share things seems like a lot more than just friends.
long story short I'm driving myself crazy, and I can't stand it anymore.
I heard knocking at the door
'fuck. Sarah you need to open the door its fucking freezing out here!', holland screamed from the other side of the door.
the closer I got to the door the louder the sound of the rain became and I realised the situation
'shit. sorry. come in, come in. my god you're soaked. here let me get you some spare clothes'
'you don't have to worry about it really', holland said thankful
'don't be dumb, follow me'
we walked into my bedroom. I gave holland some clothes and she walked into the bathroom to get changed. I sighed knowing I couldn't follow her.
after holland changed we sat down at the couch, and I made it my motive to at least try and say something today
"can I talk to you about something?"
"always", holland said taking hand. which made this even harder.
"I have a bit of a problem"
"what is it?"
"well I have a really good friend, and I think I'm falling in love with her"
"oh dear, that's never good"
"I know", I laughed. "it feels like we are in the honeymoon phase, but I'm there all alone, it's not physical though. what should I do?"
"I mean I would tell her straight. because at least if she says that she doesn't love you back, then you can begin to get over her, instead of waiting around, wondering what could happen"
"yeah that's smart. thank you"
"haha, no problem"
"what about you. any romance?"
"no I think I'm past that point in my life"
"I wouldn't count on that"
"you're very sweet. but I'm okay with it. I think if I were to be in a relationship I would be in one by now"
"what if someone came along?"
"well of course I would. but I don't think that will happen"
"don't close up all you're options"
the tension was circulating me.
"so. who is this lucky lady anyway, do I know her?"
"you might"
"I think you should tell her"
"how would I even do that?"
"just sit her down and explain to her I guess. can you please tell me who she is?, I'm dying to know"
"she's very close to me. to both of us in fact"
"its not Amanda is it?!"
"No! God no"
"well then. tell me!"
"well, she's incredibly beautiful, insanely smart and funny. she's everything perfect in this world put into one woman"
"she sounds like a keeper"
just say it
"and she's sitting next to me right now"
well there it was. no turning back now. never again would I be able to turn back time.
hollands face went blank as if to think about what I had said with such intensity that it might break her.
holland pointed towards herself, and mimed the word me, unable to speak. all I could do was nod.
"you don't have to say anything. or even feel the same way. but I had to tell you"
another 2 minutes of silence had passed and it was agonising
"its okay", I smiled trying to hold the tears back
"Sarah I don't not feel the same way about you. I just didn't realise that what I felt towards you was this, you know", I nodded.
"what are we going to do now?"
"I don't know"
"can I try something?", holland smiled in response
I moved closer, placing my hand on her cheek and leaned in kissing her, ever so gently. I pulled back to look at holland with her eyes still closed.
holland quickly gripped the back of my neck and pulled me in for another kiss.
she smiled and me and I smiled back.
"I do", holland breathed
"you do what?"
"love you"
