WHEN I ASKED WHY

( Chapter 1 )

I wonder how many people ask themselves the question am i good enough? The feeling of failure makes me think that I'm normally like this, but seeing others succeed, makes me think that I'm the odd one out.

It's stupid thinking I'll ever become a successful businesswoman or a actually become successful when I don't even pass tests and assignments. I'm just not in the mood, like I say all the time. Maybe it's because I keep on daydreaming or maybe because I keep bunking. I just don't care.

I look out of the window, looking at the rain drops fall slowly, pretending it was a race. It made me think of so many things. Outside is a parking lot with small trees planted exactly 3m apart. What a school. It's crap, i want to leave. I have no interest in this. It bores me. But I'm left to listen to teachers,  preach. It's your last year Carrie almost there!

I sit at the back of the class ignoring everyone else, only minding my business. I don't have friends by the way, i can proudly admit that. Everyone just expects me to puch them since i punched the school guard for not letting me go out of school. It was once, but no, to people it's every fricking day.

'Ms. Sitle, pay attention! You cannot afford to not listen when you've failed 7 tests this past month"

I sigh.

Boring. Boring. Boring. Finally the bell rings.

~~~~~

I hate this school, i hate education. I hate everyone. Just strolling around school not lifting my shoes i walk to my locker. I get stares from ever ones as usual because I'm odd. Dressing almost all black everyday. But i don't care.

As I walk towards my locker I notice someone walk behind me. I turn around to check who it is, but no one. But I can feel someone's presence, someone's warm heart . I continue to walk. Slowly i proceed to open my locker, turning the knob of the lock. I take my books and as I turn around, a guy stood in front of me.

"What's your problem?" I ask in a steady tone. He jumps from fright.

"Oh, sorry, uh..." He stutters. The way he stands, hands in pockets one slicked bag arm over his shoulders. He shrugs it closer to him, feeling a little bit tense. Did he expect me to punch him? Like everyone does? Funny how these assumptions stick to your mind forever. This thought made me pissed.

"But what?" I test him. Pressing my lips.

"You, you are the girl who sits at the back of biology class that reads a book."

"Are you serious, you came to me to ask me if I'm the girl who reads a book in bio class?" His statement made me chuckle. My brows pinched and my arms crossed.

"Uh, yeah." He stutters with a small hint if nervousness.
  "your name is Carrie right? Carrie Sitle?'

"Yes, what else do you know, my address? My number?" At this point I'll be stunned to his response. He couldn't possibly know that.

He giggled. "No no, I'm not like that. But I realised something, the book you were reading, it was a Nora Roberts novel, right?"

"Um, yeah, why?"

"That book, I read it before and it's really interesting, I uh, just wanted to say that it's really worth reading till the last page." He smiles. Shrugging his bag again making him seem like an outgoing person whose very relaxed and cool. I carefully study his face and I was impressed. He had very glowy grey eyes and dark hair which very attractive. Damn, this guy looks good.

He's wearing a check maroon shirt with a black jacket and blue ripped jeans. For a guy like him I couldn't expect less than Vans or Nike shoes. He looked good.

I nod.

His face lit up the moment he realised he spoke to me. Was this a dare? A game? A way for him to ask me out? But I could read his face, he's not laughing, he didn't look back at anyone that might be  his friends. He's actually serious.

"Okay, I'll keep reading it then." I return a sly smile.

There he stands, awkwardly I might add scratching the back of his head. Seconds later, he chuckles and awkwardly walks away.

Only when he walked away that I realised that I had a permanent smile on my face. What the hell? Wait. I don't even know his name. I think it has to do with the letter "J". Um, James? Jonathan?

"Yo, Dan!" His friend calls who's face was locked to his cell phone screen.

What? Dan? I never knew of a Dan before. I guess because I haven't made many friends or any friend at all for that matter. Well, I hope I'll see him again. I continue to walk to my next class.

That incident made me think and I look around. The usual high school drama. Typical couples kissing. Head cheerleader and jock dating, a nerd club and a goth group. I ask myself. Where do I fit in?
Who am I kidding. I just want to finish school and get away from here. Hopefully fly away and never see these people.

Hopefully I'd live next to the beach, peacefully without any worries. The students at this school are gossipers, they stick their noses everywhere. They make me sick to my stomach. The stares the give me every time I do something different is agonising. It's like I'm not entitled to do anything but fail. Fail school and fail at my life.

But I'm continue walking.

I chose to ignore them,

So I continue walking and,

Dreaming.