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Eighteen

BILLIE'S POV

You never notice what you have until it isn't within your grasp anymore.

Like, when someone passes away or if you lose a valuable item you didn't realise was valuable until that shit is long gone.

The old me had passed away and I didn't even notice the old me and my selfish ways until Alex came along and made me better myself. I wanted her all for me, but I fucking slipped up and now she doesn't want anything to do with me.

And no, I don't mean the old me as in me when I was overthinking in bed a few nights back. That's me now. I still want her.

I mean, the me who would say that she hates people with her chest and go out of her way to make them feel intimidated by me, and then make them do things for me while they were wrapped around my finger. I don't want to be that person anymore.

Well, that's what Alex made me somehow realize.

I don't need to degrade people to make myself feel better.

That fiasco wasn't meant to happen. I didn't mean to say what I said.

Well, I still agree with it, but I didn't mean to be as harsh.

I bet now you hate me even more than you already did. I don't know you, though.

Just like how you don't know me.

The way I love people isn't the way people want to be loved, and that's what excludes me from the crowd. And, also my hair makes me look like a highlighter, so I guess that also excludes me from the crowd, too.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Billie? I had to calm her down because she cried herself to sleep last night!"

Katie was lecturing me over breakfast, my boot propped up against the chipped coffee table in the middle of the narrow room, the cutlery on it clattering slightly as the bus glided.

"Why are you so fucking afraid? Stop trying to be someone you aren't and just be! Stop trying to use her, because if Finn finds out then—"

"I know I make you sick. I know. Don't fucking talk to me if you're just gonna remind me." I spat.

I saw her swipe her bottom lip with her tongue in aggravation.

"No. You don't get to discriminate your assistant and then push me away in the process. What were you thinking?"

"I just wanted her to like me, Katie."

"By saying she isn't normal?"

"It was just a moment of weakness."

"And that makes it okay, does it, Billie?"

She kept on battling my argument.

"I'll sort it. Katie, I'll—"

I heard footsteps come from the tiny hallway next to the kitchen area where we were, a tired looking Alex making her way to the mini fridge, completely blanking me.

"Yo." I said, hoping for a response.

Nothing.

I threaded my brows in Katie's direction, hoping for her to help me. Bitch was already making it hard enough by not letting me explain myself.

The blue haired girl finally got the memo, and turned to face Alex. "Hey."

The fridge shut aggressively, all the jars and bottles and whatever clinked together in synchrony as she gripped onto the handle and gave Katie poor eye contact and a small, forced smile.

"Are you not gonna eat anything, babe?"

"Not hungry." She muttered, before turning back around and making her way back up to the bunk, passing Finneas on her way out.

"What's up with her?" He groggily said, running his hand through his dishevelled orange hair.

Me and Katie exchanged looks.

"—Period."

"—Homesick."

He had looked at both of us in utter confusion as we both said those words at the exact same time.

"She's, uh, cramping and she misses her mom." I quickly ushered, picking my phone up and unlocking it.

He raised his eyebrow suspiciously. "Okay..."

He grabbed an apple from the bowl beside him. "As believable as you guys are being, when you decide to tell me the truth, I'll be in my bunk."

As soon as he was out of sight, I turned to Katie in a panic.

"She's gonna tell him what I said to her. I need to apologize. I need to—"

"Wait, wait wait," She ushered, making her way over to me and sitting beside me on the couch, sinking in the leather cushion slightly, "you didn't even manage to apologize?"

"Dude, I tried! She kept on being all clever and hitting me with great points and shit."

"Oh the horror." She sarcastically stated.

"Fuck off, man."

She kept her scary gaze at me. "Fix this."

I nodded, but she kept on going.

"Or I will."