Photograph

Twenty Four

The colour red stole my right as I made my way into her bedroom, and Finneas went into his own.

I wasn't angry at Billie like I thought I would be. If anything, I was grateful that she even wanted to see me after me getting mad and just leaving.

"Sorry about the mess. I'm uh, kinda, you know, disabled so shit has gotta be everywhere."

"It's okay. It's literally your room. Do whatever."

She chuckled softly and scavenged in her drawers for something, grunting as she aggressively shifted everything around in each wooden vanity trying to find whatever.

Sighing in relief, she threw an oversized hoodie in my direction and grabbed one of the grey crutches that she was using prior. "For if you wanna stay the night or whatever."

I hesitantly sat at the small desk to the side of the room, next to the pile of shoes she awkwardly scooted to the side with her free foot. Throwing the hoodie over my head, I watched as Shark had trotted into the room, completely stepping over the discarded shoes that were scattered around.

Billie climbed onto her huge mattress in the middle of the room and leaned against the dark headboard, sighing. She reached her hand to the side and fiddled with the draped blanket that was hanging from the ceiling, covering half of the bed.

"I'm sorry." Is what she started with.

My head snapped up to where she was sitting, she was looking away— focusing on the large LV blanket.

"It's okay." Is what I responded with.

She furrowed her brows and sat forward, now making eye contact with me.

"Huh? I thought you hated me?" She said in disbelief.

I giggled, shaking my head.

"Katie said it was internalised homophobia."

She rolled her eyes.

"Ha! That bitch says everything's internalised homophobia. Damn. I'm suuuuper glad you don't hate me, though." She chuckled.

The red light softly faded to magenta and then shifted to a gentle purple.

"Don't flatter yourself, Eilish." I hummed, looking around the desk. Several lone pencils and notebooks were sprawled over the wood. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't hate you right now, this second." I quickly added.

She swiped her bottom lip with her tongue and continued to fiddle with the blanket again that was to her left. She patted the mattress next to her and beckoned me over.

Following, I got up from the stiff chair and made my way over, sitting on a random Gucci blanket and feeling Billie's eyes never leave my figure.

"I'm thinking of dropping Rob as a manager. Motherfucker told me that I'm not allowed to talk to you anymore because of..." She paused. "I actually don't fucking know why that hairy fuck deprived me of Alex time."

I nodded.

She continued.

"He told me to tell you those things otherwise you would've got fired from the tour anyway. Like, about the gay shit. Internalized homophobia my ass."

I felt the blood drain from my face in embarrassment.

I should've let her explain while she had the chance.

Billie caught on and admired my expression, leaning her head against the black headboard like once before.

"Crazy, huh?" She whispered, closing her eyes for a brief moment. "I would have never purposely driven you to get fired. I'd rather be a dick straight up than let Rob be a dick behind closed doors. But that shit didn't really work out, did it?"

The room was now a dark shade of luminous blue, making her roots light up a bright neon yellow-green and her eyes sparkle as the familiar pigment danced around in her glistening irises the more she spoke.

She exhaled a long, shaky breath. "So, let's be clear..." She started, crossing her legs and moving her foot towards her.

"You don't hate me."

It sounded more of a comment than a question. I nodded again, looking at the dimples that were now showing on her face in the glow of the blue that was filling the entire room surrounding us.

"That's good, ma." She said.

Her voice was smiling.

She flipped her hair, so the green was glowing from her now side parting and she bit her lip nervously.

"Because I totally like you."

There was a silence. Looking up at the ceiling, she was still fiddling with the blanket beside her and waiting for me to respond to her in the darkness that flooded us.

I sat up. "Billie, I don't know if—"

She suddenly scrambled upwards and off the bed, the light shifting back to purple and back to pink and back to red, even quicker than before.

"You don't know what? You don't know if we're gonna work because I'm me and you're you? Before this shit, I was such a different person and hanging out with you just only made it better and now you don't even want to be friends? What?"

She backed away from me, motioning towards me as she moved.

"Bils, please calm down." I said, getting off the bed and ambling towards her.

"I've been through so much shit recently, Alex. I can't have you hate me. I just can't." She shouted through tears.

I watched as those twinkling blue eyes had turned red and puffy and her LED lights were currently matching the mood.

She stumbled backwards onto the faded carpet, hitting her arm against the wooded table I was once sitting at.

"Fuck! My fucking foot, dude!"

"What about your foot?"

"It's like, burning. Just my god damn luck."

"Your other foot?" I said, rushing over towards her and helping her stand up.

"No, like, my paralyzed foot is all tingly and weird."