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Twenty Five

BILLIE'S POV

Fucking Fiona. 

Oh, look at me because I'm dainty and small and perfect and I save lives by sticking my little pointy nose into people's business!

What even is her job, anyway? She's not the one poking and prodding at my conspicuously broken fucking foot, why is she entitled to feed me with pointless information. As soon as we walked into the hospital, I watched her dart towards me as if she knew I was arriving, and she bombarded me with backhanded questions about my paralysis as if I owed it to her.

She then was blabbering on about a stupid compressed nerve blah blah blah I need to start physical therapy blah blah blah I can't do shows anymore blah blah blah if it doesn't work then I need to get amputated blah fucking blah.

I hate Fiona.

"K. Can we go now? I was kinda in the middle of something before this shitshow." I mumbled.

I heard Alex compress a giggle beside me.

"Were you even listening to what I was saying? You're acting like this is minor but this is a huge step into the right direction! Before you know it, you'll be back on track, but if you be lazy, then there'd be maj—"

"What about now? I really need to be somewhere."

"At 9pm on a Thursday?"

"Yup. Can we?"

I swear, she was obsessed with me.

Fiona rolled her eyes playfully. "Yes Billie, this was just a checkup. Mom is getting your withdrawal medication to relieve the pain, so just meet her out there."

Grimacing at her now annoying voice, I stuffed my hands in my pockets and nodded to Alex, tilting my head do the door.

"Every week, Billie!" She said as I made my way out nonchalantly.

I wanted to flip her off.

But I didn't.

I wanted to. So badly.

The angel next to me had happened to grab my hand and lead me to where mom was.

"It's so weird seeing you walking now."

I scoffed. "Walking? If this..." I looked down at the boot and my crutch that was under my left armpit, as well as my pale hand clinging to hers, "...Counts as walking, then, yeah. Me too."

She chuckled again.

I watched as I knew she was thinking the same thing I was— the tension was so thick that I wanted to grab a knife and slice through it so we could have an actual fucking conversation.

I had to ignore the pain. My foot was killing me, but I had more issues to focus on.

I had kinda just... Accepted the fact I was paralysed. I mean, it's not like I couldn't not do the shows going forward. I just had to get wheeled about everywhere in a clumpy chair that got in the way of everything. It wasn't the complete end of the world, but it was a big deal.

Holy fuck was it a mighty relief that I had hit a compressed nerve or whatever. I was rotting in my own mind over the fact that I couldn't feel anything in my foot.

"Do you miss walking, though?" She quizzed awkwardly.

"Do I miss walking?" I repeated, smiling at her stiffness.

She stroked the back of my hand with her thumb, making my heart flutter slightly, and nodded, confirming the question.

"I mean, yeah. Finn gives the most trash piggybacks, I can't wait to hop around again with both my damn feet." I said.

By now, my mom was smiling at us from across the hall, leaning against the counter and talking to the receptionist.

She took a sip from my water bottle and then handed it to me when we got there. "You left it here. Ready to go, champ?"

"Yup."

"What did the doctor say?"

"Mom, I don't even know. I have to come in every Wednesday for physical therapy or something. Fiona's voice is so fucking annoying I'd rather have no foot at all then have her god damn voice telling me how to nurse it better." I said. The receptionist went back to typing on her tall computer, but I could see her lips flattening, making a line. She was trying to bite back a laugh. I could see that shit.

"Billie, that's not very nice. Get in the car, you'll be fine." Mom said.

With that, she waved goodbye to the giddy woman on the computer and lead us out into the parking lot.

/

The whole car drive was silent.

In the front seat, Finneas was carelessly humming along to whatever music mom was playing on the aux, while I felt as if I was in a whole other world next to Alex in the back. She was simply looking out the window into the cold, LA air. She was counting all the infinite array stars that were chilling in the sky above her.

Her small hand was resting on my knee and I watched her eyes dilate as she looked around the car, withdrawing her attention from the glistening sky.

"Are you okay?" She croaked under the music that flooded the vehicle.

I nodded bluntly, giving her a weak smile.

My foot hurt like a bitch, but mom gave me a lecture on how when we get home I can take the medication and talk about the stretches I have to do or whatever. This always happens. But, I have to stretch on tour and not at home.

"Are you staying tonight? Mom can drive you back to your house if you're not."

She shrugged. "Do you want me over? I can sleep on the couch."

I felt a laugh come out slightly as I tilted head to the side and ran my hand through my hair. "You can bunk with me, ma."