Indecisive [h.s.]

chapter 5

The ride back home was a blur, she hadn't remembered what time Sarah had dropped her off home better yet what time she had set off home but she couldn't focus on anything but her throbbing headache behind her temples, the world was spinning and all she could think about was how bad she wanted to vomit. Pluss she had completely forgotten about the summer essay due for today, not like she would have got it in on time anyways, but you feel a lot more guilty knowing you should off completed it, all she had remembered was the awesome night and the sneaking up to bed part, trying to not wake her parents up as is she wasn't waking the whole street up with the sound of the 4-inch heels and the insistent clacking of the items in her purse. It had seemed that her parents were completely knocked out. Mum would usually stay up until she had got home to just make sure she got home safe but she must have been way too tired to stay awake or must have assumed Vera had stayed at Sarah's.
She wrapped herself in the duvet, waves of nausea adding to her misery. Her phone pinged with message after message, every notification seemed 10x louder than usual. Her brain felt like it would swell beyond the capacity of her skull and now her dehydration was too obvious to ignore. She would practically have to bump down the stairs on her backside. Again her stomach lurched and gurgled. Perhaps some painkillers would help too. She raised her heavy eyelids halfway only for them to fall shut. She raised them again and swung her bare feet to the carpet again. Glancing over to the white pillow only to see the dark marks pressed into the sheets and lipstick smudged through to the other side. She wasn't really a morning person after all but this morning seemed to be a life lesson. Whatever that lesson was didn't matter anyway she wouldn't listen. She proceeded to place her arms beside her waist onto the bed lifting herself off of the bed with all the energy she had contained with 4 hours of sleep. She walked over to the bathroom which was on the other side of her bedroom just to the right of her door taking a cotton towel off of the hook. Walking towards her wardrobe rubbing her temples trying to release tension she had nothing to wear. As much as she loved clothes and fashion today was not the day to go all out, she placed the cream tracksuit and white bandeau on the edge of the bed to wear throughout the day and proceeded to get a cold shower to wake herself up and to take the makeup off from the night before which she definitely regretted not removing. Not long after she was ready for school. Her mum was stood by the dining room table with a carton of fresh orange juice and a plate of fresh fruits and a whole display of pastry's while dad was fixated on the newspaper, each morning was pretty much boring, each day was the same.

"oh, do you have work tonight?"

finally taking his head out of the football article. Physically and mentally it was extremely draining attending school Monday to Friday and working at the tattoo parlour Friday to Sunday it was not what she had in mind, not what she wanted.
completely forgetting her Dad had spoken to her she looked out of the corner of her eye to see him. Moving his hand sideways.

"oh yeah sorry yeah I do"

The room quickly went back to silence mum usually wasn't the quiet one and dad asking about my work? it was odd. He wasn't a fan of my job, didn't think when I told him that the good news was in fact 'good'. He hated tattoos.

d-"anyways how was last night? did you two enjoy yourself?"

Dad had permitted me to go out but had never asked exactly where I was going? and neither did mum so lying my way out of this,
well telling a 'white lie' wouldn't hurt anyone.

"yeah it was good we had a girls night, did some self-care you know face masks, ordered some food and watched some movies no big deal"

I wasn't going to explain to my mum that I ended up going to a private event at one of the biggest nightclubs in Doncaster I couldn't any way she would literally pass out for good or she'd kill me I don't know which one would be worse really but I didn't have a choice to be honest with her, for once I had to twist the truth a little bit.

"oh that sounds good seems like you both needed it, Sarah dropped in this morning to bring some letters that got posted to her house by accident she said you two had a good night didn't go into much detail though"

"She came over this morning?"

hmm, it was 8 am right now? how early was she awake, Jesus.

"do you need a lift today"

looking up at me while placing an untouched pain au chocolat in a Tupperware dish as well as some diced up fresh fruit.

"no mum I'll walk it's fine thank you though"

Stepping out of the door, feeling like I was on clouds. The waves of heat rose off the pavement like flames above a roof a brilliant light hugs the land as the sun stretches out with golden arms it had never felt any better. Soaking into my frail skin touching my soul freely. Today was a new day.